1. Orange will never, ever be the new pink, and anyone who thinks otherwise is “seriously disturbed.”
“Whoever said orange was the new pink, was seriously disturbed.”
2. “Gay men know designers, straight men don’t.”
3. The bend and snap.
“It has a 98 percent success rate of getting a man’s attention, and when used appropriately, has a 83 percent rate of return of a dinner invitation.” As a wise man once said, “The bend and snap, works every time!”
4. The cardinal rule of perm maintenance: “You’re forbidden to wet your hair for at least 24 hours after getting a perm at the risk of deactivating the ammonium thioglycolate.”
5. Your sunbathing packing list should always include a show-stopping sequin bikini and fur accessories.
“The rules of haircare are simple and finite. Any Cosmo girl would have known.”
6. You can wear black, but you don’t have to be basic about it.
7. But when it’s your big day to shine, never shy away from your signature colour.
8. If you’ve “seen it in the June Vogue a year ago,” don’t buy it at full-price.
“If you’re trying to sell it to me for full price, you picked the wrong girl.”
9. On move-in days your outfit should be comfortable… enough to direct the professional movers around.
10. Get a dog that has the same zodiac sign and diet restrictions as yourself… and looks just as good in the color pink.
“Hi, I’m Elle Woods and this is Bruiser Woods. And we’re both Gemini vegetarians.”
11. Always go all-out at costume parties.
12. There should be no doubt whose pen your coworkers are borrowing.
13. It’s always best to stick to waterproof mascara.
“Everybody likes me!”
14. But most importantly, never be afraid of going after what you want.
“I’d pick the dangerous one ‘cause I’m not afraid of a challenge.”
15. Because hard work pays off in the end. (Bonus 16th lesson: There is no hairstyle that works under a mortarboard.)
“We did it!”