There were eye-rolls aplenty when everyone’s favourite Dirty Street Pie, Laurina Fleure, chucked a sad, bailed up a producer, and refused to go on that impromptu date tonight.
Sam, in particular, had serious beef, pointing out the stunning brunette seemed “more interested in her eye masks and her vibrators that go on her face” than going out dating and potentially finding love.
The ‘vibrators on your face’ comment aside (um, there’s LOTS we need to discuss there - remind me later), let’s take a moment to unpack this.
So, Sam - you’re saying you have issue with the fact that a woman, mid facial, literally moments away from turning in for the night, doesn’t want to gussy up, pop on a frock and go out with a man she has absolutely zero interest in dating?
You’re saying that she should choose forcing a connection with someone over an early night, tucked up in her grass hut with a Mills and Boon.
Um - NOPE!
Laurina, honey - I’m totally feeling you.
I have to say, had I been in your position, I TOTALLY would have chosen to toddle off to bed than try to feign a connection with any of the remaining ‘single’ men in Paradise.
Let’s list them, shall we: First there’s Michael. Now, he seems lovely enough, but I can’t get past that huge dragon tattoo, and the fact he wears his shirts unbuttoned to the naval, so - that’s a hard PASS from me.
Next - American Jared. Yeah, who is he again? Oh, right, he’s that long, tall drink of water who seems super nice (read: boring), who lucked out and got a rose from Laurina on Monday because everyone though Daniel was a douche.
Right. Yeah? Nah.
Then there’s Australian Jarrod. He has a pathological attraction to Out-Of-His-League Blondes, so that instantly rules Loz out. Also - who’d want to risk getting a marguerita slushy to the eye from Keira for cutting her lunch, so there’s that, too.
So, who’s left? Um, precisely NO ONE! Everyone’s coupled up!
I get that producers - and the other contestants - feel like Laurina might just be hanging around because, um - FREE HOLIDAY. But can you blame a girl? I, for one, personally think she has pure intentions - it’s just that there are bugger-all options on that island for her to choose.
And also - it’s true, Simone, she is “old” (if by old, you mean “34”, which is what a quick Google search tells me she is). And yeah, I am also, cough, “in my thirties” (for another eight months, thanks very much), so I totally get why she’d choose to finish her facial, and go to bed (side note: how good is bed?)
So give a girl a break. And hurry up and airlift some more hotties in there - stat. For all our sakes.
Ground Control to Apollo - do you copy? We need you - over.