Despite the opportunity, the two told Dawn that the suggested date by Carly’s adoptive parents, Brandon and Theresa, conflicted with a long-planned family vacation.
“We would just have to cancel,” said Catelynn, who suggested that Carly’s parents weren’t amenable to reschedule with them. “I told you, if it comes down to it, we’ll just have to cancel our vacation. But …”
“But, why does it have to be so complicated?” Tyler asked.
Dawn suggested growing kids and vastly different schedules might have a role to play in the difficulties.
“I think it’s more than just your schedule and their schedule,” Dawn said. “Now we’ve got the kids’ schedules and now you’re into school and into extracurricular activities.”
Tearing up, Catelynn explained her frustrations about trying to make a plan to meet with Theresa, but frequently being ignored.
“I try not to make it difficult. Things always seem like they’re difficult and I’m not trying to make it difficult. I’m willing and trying and offering. And then I get ignored for months and I try. And then she finally answers me,” she said.
“The older Carly gets, the more it impacts them,” Dawn said. “It’s not just ‘we’ll meet for one day and go to a park.’ For them, it’s the residual effects afterward, the questions that come. What is that impact on Carly?”
“The same thing that’s going to impact Nova when she’s older,” Catelynn said. “The same thing we have to do that they’re going to have to do. It’s just part of it. You’re gonna have to do it. So pull up your bootstraps and do it.”
She added, crying, “I feel like we get the brunt of it, either because they’re scared or [Carly’s] asking questions. They knew that was going to happen. She’s going to get older and ask questions. What did you think was going to happen? Don’t punish us for it.”
Later, alone with Tyler, Catelynn explained where her bitterness and frustrations stemmed from.
“I feel like I get punished because my kid asks questions about me, or she wants to know where she comes from,” Catelynn said. “What [did they] think adoption is? She’s going to do that.”
Tyler shared his own frustrations about Brandon and Theresa, saying, “I really think the question should be like: Do you think having this one-year visit is good for her? And as a parent, which I gave you the right to be, you have to decide if that is right for her or not. And let me tell you right now, if you don’t think it’s right for her, then I will stand aside and support your decision … because I don’t have a choice.”
The next day, the two heard back from Theresa and scheduled a meeting for August. The pair flew with Nova to Raleigh, North Carolina, where they waited in a rented home until the moment the could see Carly again.
Reflecting on how their lives would have been if they had raised Carly, Catelynn and Tyler both agreed they wouldn’t have had their second daughter, Nova.
“There’s no way I could have done this at 16,” Catelynn said, referring to parenting a 2-year-old.
Tyler also discussed his mixed feelings about Brandon and Theresa to Kerthy, an MTV producer.
“This may sound mean, but I don’t really care about [them],” he said. “It’s just not on my priority list. I think it was because I thought I have to have a relationship with them to have a relationship with Carly. But that’s not the case. They have obviously allowed me to have one with her, but at the same time, they’re not the goal.”
This article originally appeared on PEOPLE.