In a heart wrenching and deeply honest YouTube video, Stacey Hampton revealed how she found out about her father’s tragic death and the profound impact it’s had on her life ever since.
WATCH: Stacey blames herself for her father’s suicide
“I didn’t ask until I started primary school. I thought maybe he was in jail or something. Every time I broached it with my mum, she would break down or go to the other room or something. I was so confused,” the emotional Married At First Sight bride began in a lengthy video titled “The Real Stacey Hampton”.
“When I was old enough, I asked my sister and she told me: When I was one, my dad actually killed himself. To me, hearing that was automatic guilt. I blamed myself. I used to lay in bed and think, ‘Was I the reason? Did he not want or love me?’ ‘Did one not want or love me?'”
Going on to admit she’s spent the better half of her life grieving, Stacey said losing her dad and her older brother— who died in a motorcycle accident on the day she was due to give birth to her first child— also cast a shadow of doubt over her previous relationships.
“Growing up without a father is so damaging. You start thinking that you don’t need a man and can do everything on your own. You see men as unreliable let-downs and that you can’t trust them. This impacted me quite emotionally,” said Stacey who grew up with her mum and three siblings.
While the bride was labelled a “gold-digging bimbo” on the controversial dating experiment that thrust her into the spotlight, she said she’d trade every luxury item she owns in exchange for spending time with her lost loved ones.
“Obviously I was portrayed in a way that was abrupt, quite rude and entitled, with the presumption that I didn’t work for what I’ve got and I live this perfect life,” she continued.
“I can assure you that I probably go to bed most nights and cry more than most normal people. The reason I am where I am is because I have lost people in my life.
“I’m not blessed, I’m not lucky and I’m not entitled. I have nice things, but it doesn’t mean I’m happy. I’d give away every single handbag I have, I’d give away my car, anything, just to make sure my kids are happy or to have my brother back or to see my dad.
She concluded: “I’d throw that money in the bin just to talk to him, to ask him what was going on, why he would leave us so hurt and damaged.”
Well aware that growing up without a father was the catalyst for many of her issues, Stacey added she makes a conscious effort to ensure her children are on good terms with their father— Rebels bikie boss, Shane Michael.
“We’re co-parenting at the moment, he’s good, a good dad, he loves his boys. Very supportive. Whoever ends up with him is very lucky. He’s very giving, a very supportive partner, we just weren’t right for each other,” she said.
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