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Nikki Bella admits she was feeling lonely before her split from John Cena.
In a new clip from the season 3 premiere of Total Bellas, the Dancing with the Star alum, 34, opens up about how much time she and Cena spent apart in their relationship.
“What’s hard at times that people don’t realize about my relationship is I’m alone a lot,” she says during an interview segment on the show. “I’m alone in these big, beautiful homes.”
In the new season, Bella and Cena, 40, move to San Diego together. But despite their new home, the couple spends long periods of time apart due to their busy schedules.
“Honestly, John and I have shared our bed together maybe 30 days total, out of six months,” she says.
When Bella’s twin sister Brie and sister-in-law discuss how their priorities have changed since becoming moms at a dinner party, Bella starts to realize that by never having a family herself, she will continue to spend the majority of her time alone.
“Hearing Brie and Lauren, JJ and Bryan all talk about their family stuff and their kids, it makes it sink in a little bit more of lonely it will be and how lonely it gets,” she explains.
Bella called off her engagement to Cena three weeks before they were meant to walk down the aisle. Sources previously told PEOPLE that her decision to break up was due to their differing stances on marriage and having kids.
The wedding would’ve occurred over a year after Cena proposed to Bella on live TV during WrestleMania 33 in April 2017. And there was even a TV special planned about their wedding set to air in July, but the concept was scrapped after they split after six years together.
Bella and Cena’s breakup will be covered on the upcoming season of Total Bellas. Brie previously told PEOPLE that the demise of her sister’s engagement was all caught on camera.
“I have to give a lot of credit to John and Nicole. They really opened up their lives and they really wanted to close the curtain and be like this is it, we’re done,” she said. “My sister is really great with her fans in a way where she lets them connect with her. She lets them like go, ‘My life isn’t perfect and isn’t easy’ and lets them see the playbook of her life.”
Though the pair has ended their romance, both Cena and Bella have acknowledged that they would like to one day get back together.
“John is such an amazing man. He really is the love of my life,” Bella told Entertainment Tonight at NBCUniversal’s Upfront Presentation in New York City on Monday.
“I truly hope one day that we can work it out and get back together,” she admitted. “I think there is hope.”
Total Divas returns this fall, and season 3 of Total Bellas premieres May 20 at 9 p.m. ET, both on E!
This article originally appeared on PEOPLE
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