Seven months ago Ricki Lake turned 50. To honour the occasion, the talk-show host and documentary filmmaker knew what she wanted to do.
“A lot happened to me in my 40s, so as an exercise for myself I made a list of some of the biggest moments,” she explains.
On that list –alongside notable memories like “I won my first Emmy”, “killed it on Dancing with the Stars” and “met Obama” – was a reference to perhaps the most painful event Lake has faced thus far: “I lost the love of my life.”
It’s been just over two years since Christian Evans, whom Lake married in 2012, died by suicide at the age of 45, sending the perennially cheery mum-of-two into a spiral of depression.
“I went into darkness,” says Lake. “There were days when I didn’t want to get out of bed, and that was a very scary place to be.”
But now, after self-reflection and time to heal, Lake has learnt to endure despite her grief and discovered a newfound happiness – and love – in her six-month relationship with clothing company owner Jeffrey Scult.
“I feel like I’m on the other side of [my grief], and that’s a miracle,” says Lake. “I have a new lease on life.”
Two years into her marriage to Evans, Lake – who has sons Milo, 21, and Owen, 17, from her first marriage, to Rob Sussman– began to witness worrying episodes from her husband, who suffered from bipolar disorder.
“It was like living with Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde,” recalls Lake. “He was so disruptive and so hurtful. I wanted to save him, but I couldn’t.”
They ended their marriage in 2015, but at the time of his death, “Christian and I were still very much together,” says Lake, who was with him three days before he died. “I was supporting him financially and emotionally.”
When she learnt of his death, Lake was despondent. “It was paralysing,” she says. “I’m a very social person and I would isolate myself. For a long time I didn’t know if I would ever feel truly happy again.”
Slowly, thanks to journalling, therapy and the “best” support system, Lake began to feel glimmers of hope, though when it came to her romantic life, she wasn’t in a hurry. “I was OK by myself,” she says. “I wasn’t lonely, and I wasn’t desperate. But I [trusted] the universe, and I believe I was ready to meet someone good for me.”
When Lake and Scult, 53, were introduced by a mutual friend, she was open. “I didn’t think I’d find love again,” she says. “But I believe in second chances.” Now Lake is empowered – and continuing to heal – through her involvement with Bring Change to Mind, an organisation aiming to alter the stigma of mental illness, and by her documentary Weed the People, about the medical cannabis world, co-produced by Evans.
You can read the rest of the article in this week’s WHO magazine
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