Gerard Butler has grown very attached to his beard. The actor’s been growing out his scruff for the past year and hasn’t picked up a razor since last December, but with a photo shoot for his new film Hunter Killer on the horizon, Butler was forced to shave it all off — and it didn’t go over well with him.
Butler shared the emotional roller coaster he went through as he parted with his beloved beard on Instagram. It’s been so long since he’s had to groom it, the actor even forgot what “shaving” was called.
“So here I am about to…rare s–t. What do you call this? Shave? Shave my beard off after a year of having it on,” Butler told his fans on Instagram.
He continued, “I’m totally depressed. I’ve also got to cut my hair but I am gonna shave my beard to do some additional photography on Hunter Killer. I’ve literally had this since last December. It’s been way longer than this too and I am totally depressed.”
But the actor marched on. Since he hadn’t shaved in close to a year, Butler needed a moment to reacquaint himself with his the electric razor he was using. “What do I do? Just straight down?” he asked.
He eventually got the hang of it, and screamed his way through the trim. “Oh my god! Ah! Oh no! Oh my god, look at this. Gone, gone, gone!” Butler yelled as he watched his beard fall to the ground.
This article originally appeared on PEOPLE