Jackie Gillies admits she has been ‘freaking out’ after giving birth to twins

"The night before I was having anxiety, thinking am I going to be a good mother? Grieving my old life and thinking oh my god, this is really happening! Have I got everything ready for the babies? Do I have all the things I need? What happens if I do this wrong or do that wrong?"

"All these thoughts were running through my mind, I kept overthinking. I didn’t sleep a wink. Think every thought, I thought it times 10. It was a moment of excitement but still having fear and doubt about everything working out as it should."

"I have to tell you, I literally walked into the operating room – can you believe that? – and I had all these people in the operating room because I was having twins and I was high risk," Jackie continues.

"And listen, I take my hat off to all the women who were cool, calm and collected because this chicken wasn’t. Me? It was out the damn window."

Saying her overthinking and concern kept going as she was given her anesthesia and prepped for surgery, the star admits she was having the "weirdest, out there thoughts." Then, when the babies were out, she still couldn't process what was happening. 

"I felt so freaking weird, man, someone is rummaging around inside me and all of a sudden they're like 'look, look at your baby!' and I'm in shock horror," Jackie says. "I didn’t want to look at my baby. I don’t know what the hell was going through my mind but I was freaking out, then all of a sudden I see this baby and a minute later I see another baby and I’m like whose are they? and I realise they are mine.

"They put them on my chest, doing skin on skin, and I'm going this is so weird. I cannot believe they’re mine. Ben is smiling, tearing up and holding them, he's so happy, and I'm just going, is this really happening? Then when I took a moment and breathed in and out I realised I am a mother."

Spending the past few days in hospital, Jackie says it's been a whirlwind as she comes to terms with being a new mum - asking herself "what do I do now?" after being taken back to her room after the birth.

"Breastfeeding is one of the hardest things ever, hats off to the women out there who it was easy for but it ain’t easy for me girl. Everything is new and I’m in pain because of the C-section. It's day three and I’m still freaking out that I’m a mother as I’m looking at these beautiful little cherubs," she admits.

Saying she "hasn't fully processed" that she's a mother, Jackie reveals "I don't know how to breastfeed properly, my milk is still coming, I don't even know if I'm doing this right."

Her refreshing honesty about the first few days of motherhood is sure to resonate with many new parents, as she shares the overwhelming joy and extreme shock that comes with meeting your children for the first time.

"I have two babies that I now have to look after the rest of my life – which I’m so excited about – but I’m still freaking out about it! It is the most joyous, unconditional love I’ve ever felt. And seeing Ben, oh my god," she gushes.

"Listen, I'm still struggling with breastfeeding and I’m still trying to learn everything and it will take a while. I’ve just got to give into the process and do what works best for me and our babies. But, god us women can do amazing things. I have to say this is one of the happiest, happiest days of my life. Everybody says their own children look beautiful but they really are gorgeous."

Jackie's refreshing honesty is a major part of her appeal on RHOMelbourne, where she's long shared her authentic self with fans. 

As viewers watch her fertility journey and pregnancy play out on screen this season - including the gender reveal, which will happen in an upcoming episode - Jackie says she simply had to share the story with fans.

“When I was first asked by producers to come back for a fifth season, I said no at first because I was going through IVF at the time and I wasn’t in the right headspace to do it. I wouldn’t have been an asset to the show,” she tells WHO.

“But then, when we got the green light to film after COVID-related delays, I said to myself, ‘You know what, Jacks? There are not enough women who speak out publicly about the realities of IVF. You’ve got to do it,'" she says.

“I’ve always kept it real and been myself on this show and now that I’m going through this pregnancy, I don’t know how not to be real about my journey,” she says.

“When Foxtel execs say to me, ‘Jacks, you’re a fan-favourite on this show,’ I think that’s because of my relatability and how transparent I am.”