Jenni “JWoww” Farley opened up about a heartbreaking loss during Thursday’s episode of Jersey Shore Family Vacation.
During a heart-to-heart conversation with castmate Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, the reality star, 32, revealed that she and now-husband Roger Mathews had a miscarriage before they filmed the fourth season of the MTV series in Italy in 2011.
“I was a mess in Italy,” Farley told Sorrentino, 35, as the pair recalled their previous years of partying and filming the show.
“Right before Italy, like three or four weeks before Italy, my grandmother passed. And me and Roger actually lost a baby, like I ended up pregnant. Not a lot of people know,” she confided in Sorrentino.
“And they put me on medication because of it, I couldn’t handle life,” Farley explained, adding that she was taking medication, including “downers” such as Xanax, that made her “so groggy” at the time. “Then I started taking uppers with it, segway right into Italy. I was a f—— mess,” she remembered.
Fast forward to the present, Farley and Mathews are proud parents to 3-year-old daughter Meilani Alexandra and 23-month-old son Greyson Valor.
This is not the first time Farley has been candid about her pregnancies.
In 2014, Farley announced in a since-deleted blog post that she had a miscarriage scare before announcing she was expecting Meilani Alexandra.
This article originally appeared on PEOPLE