December 11- the most dreaded day of the year for couple’s on the rocks is here. Why? Well, it’s National Break-Up Day of course!
“December is a time when people naturally reflect on the year that has been and think about the year ahead,” says clinical psychologist Rachel Harker. “If there are already doubts in a relationship, they feel louder right now. Many people decide they want a fresh start in the new year and do not want to carry emotional uncertainty into the holidays.”
She notes that financial pressure, family dynamics and burnout also play a significant role.
So if you have fallen victim to the tragic holiday thanks to the stress of the festive period or the pressure of bringing your other half to social events, look no further.
A break-up is rough any time of year, but it definitely feels worse during the holiday season. Everywhere you look, there are couples smugly holding hands in Christmas markets like they’re in a Netflix rom-com you didn’t sign up to watch.
Meanwhile, you’re just trying to make it through December without crying into a box of Cadburys Favourites… the glamour of a broken heart, eh?
If that’s where you are right now, you’re not failing; you’re just feeling the feelings that come with a break-up. Rachel, who is also the founder of psychology-backed dating app Tribal and friendship app Connect by Tribal, is here to guide you through the “dos and don’ts” of your Christmas heartache.
Do allow yourself to feel weird
You will feel out of sorts- one minute you’re fine, the next you’re crying in Sephora because they played a song that reminded you of them. That’s normal.
Rachel says the first step in healing is to acknowledge what happened. She tells WHO: “Naming your emotions helps reduce their intensity. Heartbreak is a legitimate loss, and your body responds accordingly. If we don’t allow ourselves to process the loss, it will make closure and moving on incredibly difficult.”
Don’t let yourself spiral
There’s a difference between processing and marinating. One sad evening in bed with Ben & Jerrys and The Holiday? Healthy. Four days under the duvet rewatching old videos of you and your ex in love? Unhealthy.
Give yourself time to wallow, but don’t let yourself forget all of the reasons to get up and out of bed. Rachel urges anyone going through a break-up to rebuild their routine. “Consistency is crucial right now, particularly in areas such as sleep, food, and movement. This helps stabilise your nervous system,” she explains.
Do establish digital boundaries
Speaking of rewatching old videos, replaying that video your ex’s friend posted of them on their Instagram story is mental torture… so, stop. Like, right now, close the app.
Mute, block, or hide their social media accounts to save yourself from obsessing over their “online status” or their annual family day on the beach that you have always been involved in. You don’t need to delete them from your life, jusy remove the constant triggers.
Rachel insists that you must interrupt the comparison spiral. “When you catch yourself idealising others, remind yourself: you’re seeing a highlight, not the reality of their relationship,” she says.
Don’t drunk text your ex
For the love of God- don’t do this. Give your phone to your friend before your night out, freeze it in a block of ice, do whatever you have to do to ensure you don’t send that fear-inducing “Can I call you?” text at 3am.
Holiday nostalgia and gin are a deadly combo, don’t let yourself fall into the trap.
This also counts on Christmas Day, Rachel says. “If sending the message is really a disguised hope for reconnection, clarity, or reassurance, it may prolong your pain,” she tells us. “In those cases, no-contact is often the healthier choice.”
She continues, “If the relationship ended respectfully and the message is genuinely just goodwill, not a doorway back, you can send a brief, neutral text. But ask yourself: ‘Will I feel better after sending this, even if they don’t reply?’ If the answer is no, hold your boundary. The holidays already carry enough emotional weight.”
Do spend time with people who fill your cup
Choose comfort humans only- the friends who bring you snacks, force you to get out of bed, make you laugh, or happily sit in silence with you.
Your friends don’t need to fix anything, but being around them will help ease the heaviness.
“Create emotional safety. That might mean space, boundaries, and leaning on the people who feel grounding rather than overwhelming,” Rachel advises.
Don’t revisit shared traditions that sting
If something is going to make you feel worse like eating in the American-style diner they dumped you in or hitting the Boxing Day sales bright and early- don’t do it.
There is no medal awarded for putting yourself through unnecessary reminders of your heartache, so save yourself the pain!
Rachel adds, “Often it’s not the person, but the future you imagined. Once you identify that, it becomes easier to rebuild on your own terms.”
Do create new traditions
They don’t need to be expensive or grand, bring yourself for a solo Christmas Eve walk, buy yourself a festive pair of pjs, find a Christmas film you’ve never watched and enjoy the unknown.
“Reduce the ‘all-or-nothing’ thinking,” Rachel says. “After a breakup, people often romanticise the good moments and minimise the challenges. Healing requires holding the full picture.”
Don’t put a time limit on your healing
You’re not a makeover show, healing doesn’t follow a calendar and you’re most likely not going to be “fully over” the break-up by New Year- but that’s okay.
Going into the New Year without a “revenge bod” or a list the length of your arms of resolutions you won’t keep doesn’t make you any less.
“Re-anchor to your own life,” Rachel suggests. “Make plans, even small ones. Connection: friends, community, shared experiences, buffers loneliness more than romantic involvement alone.”
Do look at the New Year as a fresh start
Whether you chose this break-up or not, you get to choose what happens next.
There’s something freeing about entering a new year with a blank emotional page, and the knowledge that the worst part is definitley over.
Rachel also urges not to forget to “seek connection, not replacement. Healthy support is protective. It doesn’t have to be dating; it can be community, friendship, or simply people who help you feel human again.”
A holiday break-up hurts, but it is survivable, and it won’t define every December for years to come. This Christmas might feel strange, but it is also giving you the chance to rest. reset, and refocus for the new year ahead.
Next year you’ll realise you didn’t just get through it, you grew through it *mic drop*.
Related stories
Native ad body.
Native ad body.
Native ad body.
