Jamie Otis is sharing her heartbreak after having a chemical pregnancy.
On Sunday, the Married at First Sight reality star, 32, said that she had experienced a chemical pregnancy just days after she shared a picture of a pregnancy test that she hoped was positive.
“Sorry I’ve been MIA, this very bizarre positive pregnancy test then negative test then faint positive lines gave me hope that Gracie was going to become a big sis in 9 months, but the night before last I began having terrible contraction-like pains & spotting,” Otis began.
“Then over the night full blown everything – if you know what I mean. I’m a nurse so I had my suspicions; but my midwife confirmed I had a chemical pregnancy,” she continued. “I don’t know why some people have it seemingly SO easy to get preggers & carry their babies to term and others struggle?”
A chemical pregnancy is “an early pregnancy loss that occurs shortly after implantation,” according to Healthline.
“What I do know is that I am so, so thankful for this little girl [and her daddy] right here. It’s like she knew mommy was in so much pain bc she just wanted to be held and snuggled all night long,” Otis said.
Thanking her fans for their “prayers & positive energy,” Otis added, “We have to wait a cycle before trying again, but I am on a mission to make Gracie a big sis now. …has this happened to anyone else where you go through a loss & then all you want – the only healing thought – is to become pregnant with a healthy pregnancy?! This happened to me after our sweet Johnathan & the same feelings have come back.”
Otis and husband Doug Hehner, who tied the knot on Married at First Sight, have had a difficult road to parenthood. In July 2016, Otis and Hehner announced they had lost a baby boy they named Johnathan Edward.
Then in August 2017, Otis gave birth to daughter Henley Grace.
In April, Otis said that she and Hehner were trying to have another baby — and noted that getting to that point had taken some time and effort.
“This is TMI, but it hurt so bad that it wasn’t even physically possible to do it,” she wrote. “But we have finally been able to be intimate!!! …it’s only taken 8 months for it to stop hurting. (This is the kinda stuff no one talks about so I had no idea how bad it’d be!!) …But we’re finally working on makin’ Gracie a little sibling to play with.”
After welcoming her daughter in 2017, Otis exclusively told PEOPLE, “I’m not usually superstitious, but I definitely think Henley was a gift from her big brother.”
Hehner also gushed about his baby girl. “Everything’s come naturally so far,” he said. “I never changed a diaper in my life or swaddled [a baby]. [It’s amazing] how quickly instinct takes over. My first time holding Henley, I couldn’t believe how much love I had for her in such a short amount of time.”
This article originally appeared on PEOPLE.