Ok. So we all saw it. We heard it. We had to rewind and watch it again. But can we all just forget about that Simone/Elora/Courtney bombshell for a moment and focus on how freaking cute Sam and Tara are?
Did you SEE that love hut? Did you HEAR Tazzla admit she had fallen in love with Sam?
You heard that too, right? Arghhh - I am literally dying. It was literally EVERYTHING.
I’m still on a high from it.
All that cute snuggling in the Love Hut was almost enough to make me forget that huge, massive, bloody gob-smacking bombshell at the end of last night’s episode.
Yep - I don’t want to. I’d much rather sit under that stick hut with Sam and Tara, and talk about how cute they are - and how cute they’ll still be in fifty years time when they’re old, and Croatian, and fat, and still living happily together in Bondi.
But I feel we have to address the elephant in the room.
And that elephant is - Simone and Elora. And - wait for it...wait for it - COURTNEY FREAKING DOBER.
Um, excuse me, but did Elora REALLY just say on camera that Simone had sex with Courtney on her couch?
I wasn’t sure, so I had to go back and watch it again. And yep - there it is. Confirmation that their beef is over some random called Courtney.
Yeah, yeah, I know Bach Tragics. I know you ALL know who Courtney is. But - and don’t judge me - I had to get on the Internets and find out.
Because, much to my shame (actually, no, I totally stand by my decision not to watch it, because it was boring, and I had zero interest in seeing her get a happily ever after), I didn’t watch Georgia Love’s series of The Bachelorette.
So who is this ‘Courtney’? Is it a girl? Is it a boy? Were they even on the show?
A quick google search produced my answer - Courtney Dober, who, the Internets reliably informs me, is an industrial designer from Melbourne, who almost stole Georgia Love’s heart.
But here's the thing - I still don't know if it actually IS him? So if it's not - sorry Courtney, I didn't mean that your name be dragged into all this.
But if it is, can I just say one thing about this. And honestly, that’s all I’ll say. Because, really and truly, watching two women beef about who has more of a connection with a guy who they have LITERALLY both met the day before, is, frankly, vomit-inducing.
But it needs to be said - Elora, that was really, freaking uncool.
It was super mean to bring Simone’s past rendezvous up. In front of a producer. While the cameras were rolling. On national TV. And name NAMES!
We’ve all done stuff we’re not proud of after a few Aperol Spritzers. And I, for one, feel that sort of juicy goss needs to be left alone - or at least shelved until Courtney walks through that shabby-chic archway (is he coming? Oh, please say he’s coming!).
Sim, honey - I totally won’t blame you if you walk off Love Island. Or get Keira to chuck a mango daiquiri slushy in Elora’s face.
Cause that was just plain mean.