There she is - as I live and breathe, Jessica Simpson, dressed in a skimpy little top, tiny denim cut-offs, and thigh high red boots. Girl is rocking it, clearly living her best life at daughter Maxwell’s 6th birthday party. She’s beaming. Her kids look adorbs. It’s 2005 all over again - and Jess is totally THERE for it.
But the thing is - the rest of us aren’t.
Yep, cue snarky backlash - of mega proportions. How dare an ancient old woman (yeah, so Jess is actually only 37), wear teeny-tiny shorts? How dare she look like she’s on her way to Coachella? How very DARE she appropriate the culture of teen girls by having the AUDACITY to rock a look favoured by the under-twenties.
I sorta, kinda, um, maybe get their point - I’m not 100 per cent digging her look.
But here’s the thing - who the hell are you, anonymous online troll person, to judge? I’m kinda betting you’re sitting there, in your trackies with the holes in them, looking less than stellar right now, as you fire off those ‘put it away’ entreaties.
Urgh - it all makes me so mad.
Cause while I’m no fan of her ‘razamataz’ circus ensemble (the party had a ‘Greatest Showman’ theme, so she’s actually bang-on in the costume department), I say, if Jess wants to relive her Dukes of Hazzard glory days by travelling back in time to ‘05, she should totally be allowed to do it.
I don’t know about you, but as someone kareening headlong to 40, I’m all about deciding to pick an era where (we thought) we looked the hottest, then recycling the look, ad nauseum, until the end of time.
We all do it. Nan’s been doing it since the 60s, when big hair and perms were in. Your mum’s still rocking that Noni B look from '87, and I bet you’re exactly like me, and not QUITE ready to re-embrace those 90s 501s we used to wear, that seem to be on the backsides of every twenty-something ordering turmeric lattes at your local cafe.
I bet you're not QUITE ready to pop a scrunchie on. Or rock a ribbed cropped sleeveless skivvy from Sportsgirl. Or stick your hair back in Bjork buns, right?
So cut Jesso some slack, haters. If girl wants to hark back to those naughties, ‘Chicken of the Sea’ days, where she was about a fifth of her current size, and able to rock a pair of denim cut-offs, good for her.
Jess - you do you.
And, side note: if I looked as good in those little shorts as she does, I’d probably be teetering around in a pair of f-me boots too.
Instead I’m sitting here banging off this Think Piece in a pair of hipster bootleg jeans, an oversized t-shirt and a pair of uggs.
And I’m totally 100 per cent OK with that.