Nearly four years after Paul Walker died in a car crash, his family continues to grapple with their tragic loss.
The actor’s mother, Cheryl, and brother, Caleb, recently sat down for an interview on The Dr. Oz Show to speak about the car crash that killed Paul while he was taking a break from filming Furious 7 in November 2013.
Cheryl revealed that she had spent time with her son that same day.
“I had had a really nice conversation with Paul that morning,” she said. “He was in my home, he left to go to the event and so I was expecting him back in the early afternoon, evening. And we had plans with his daughter, too, to decorate a Christmas tree that night.”
She said she was “basically alone” when she found out he had died.
“I think I was in the kitchen and then I heard somebody come in and I looked and it was a friend of mine. Somebody that Paul knew, too. [A] family friend,” Cheryl explained. “And she looked like she just lost somebody, you know, she looked very upset.”
She continued, “And then other people started arriving, including the two young men that Paul grew up with that were trying to get him out of the car.”
Cheryl said that despite the support of her family, including Paul’s 18-year-old daughter Meadow, she would sometimes find it hard to go on without her son.
“I felt guilty for even feeling like that but I really honestly would wish that I didn’t have to wake up in the morning,” she recalled. “I would never have taken my life but I really felt that way. Because when you wake up, you have to realize it’s real and you relive it all over again.”
Caleb remembered shooting scenes for Furious 7 as his brother’s character. Although he said it was tough to do so soon after his passing, the cast made the experience worthwhile.
“I always wanted to be like him growing up, and so stepping into his shoes was special, but it was too soon, you know, looking back at it,” he said. “Like, it was, like, just a few months afterward.”
“But the most special part was getting to know his other family that he had been working with for 15 years,” he continued. “Every cast member, every person on the set all had a special, unique bond with Paul.”
This article originally appeared on PEOPLE.COM.