Khloé deals with the complications of her pregnancy, Kourtney deliberates freezing her eggs and Kim laments using a surrogate to bring her third child into the world rather than carrying the baby herself.
“I so would have rather done it on my own,” Kim, 37, admits. “I’d just rather feel connected. I just hope I care as much.”
Now that she’s told her family and close friends that she and boyfriend Tristan Thompson are expecting their first child together, Khloé opens up to her sisters about the struggles she’s been facing in her first trimester. The Good American jeans founder reveals the progesterone pills she took to increase her levels of the hormone partially responsible for maintaining pregnancy caused her immense pain. “Literally I like can’t walk,” she tells Kourtney and Kim, who also dealt with low progesterone levels during her pregnancy with Saint.
Khloé, 33, also refers to inserting the pills vaginally at least twice a day as “torture.”
“This is not fun,” she continues. “I just feel sick every night. I feel gross. I physically can barely walk.”
But raising her progesterone level paid off. When Khloé visited her doctor, the mum-to-be was told she “saved her pregnancy” by diligently taking the pills. And while Khloé felt relieved to hear she was healthy, she also felt justified in keeping her baby news among her inner circle for the time being, despite learning that TMZ received a tip about the pregnancy.
“This is one example why you don’t announce early,” Khloé tells the camera. “There’s a lot of complications. A lot of things could happen. I could’ve had a potential to miscarry. As soon as I get to my second trimester, I will have such relief, and that’s all I’m waiting for.”
Khloé does share some additional details of her birthing plan, like that she’d be delivering the baby in Cleveland where Thompson, 26, works, and she wants to eat her placenta in pill form.
But when TMZ calls Kim saying they were going to publish the news of Khloé’s pregnancy on their site, the sisters feel they were helpless. “It’s such a tricky thing because people expect us to share every last detail of our lives,” Kim says. “It’s almost like were not entitled to privacy.”
After the article goes live, Khloé regrets not being able to share the news on her own time. “You don’t want everyone to find out via the internet,” she tells Kim. “You want to tell people yourself. People take all of that away from you.”
But she wasn’t going to let the TMZ story push her to announce her pregnancy before she felt ready. “I’ve tried really hard to keep my pregnancy safe I would say and a secret and somehow, some way TMZ published the article,” Khloé says.”There’s nothing I can do about the article. It’s out, but I’m not going to confirm it yet. Because I’m still waiting to be in a safe spot and that’s my choice to do that. That’s my decision, at least I would think.”
Meanwhile, Kourtney continues to debate whether she wants to freeze her eggs in case she wants to have a fourth child down the line. “I don’t feel like I’m done having kids in life,” she confesses to Khloé. “I just don’t.”
Kourtney consults with Los Angeles’s Dr. Wong, who explained how the process works. “I just want to be as educated as I can about what the process is because I just really need to be sure if its something that I want to do,” the 38-year-old says.
But, “after hearing about all the steps involved and just putting all the hormones in my body and giving myself shots everyday, like I just really have to think about it,” Kourtney concludes following the appointment.
And discussing the procedure with her friend Sarah Howard, who experienced massive mood swings when she froze her eggs, Kourtney is even less certain. “After hearing that the hormones could really mess with you and it’s a very common thing, that was just alarming to me,” the mother of three says. “Because being like depressed, who wants to go through that?”
But mum Kris urges her eldest daughter to go through with the process.
“The younger you are when you freeze the eggs, better the result is going to be,” the momager, 61, tells Kourtney. “If I were you, I would really take advantage of the technology and give yourself that insurance policy. And then if you get pregnant on your own, yay!”
Ultimately Kourtney — currently dating model Younes Bendjima, 24 — decides, “I just don’t think I’m going to do it right now.”
Kris calls her choice a “huge mistake,” and while Kourtney repeatedly denies that she’d freeze her eggs because she’s seeing a younger man, she feels the book hasn’t closed completely on this fertility option.
“I just don’t feel ready,” Kourtney explains. “Like I feel like there’s a lot going on I just don’t feel like my body’s ready to go through that right this minute. And I think in a few months I can think about it again.”
This article originally appeared on PEOPLE