The drug soon took its toll: Evans says she lost her family – including son Jace, who was, at one point, under the sole custody of her mother Barbara Evans. Much of Evans’ custody and personal problems with her mother were documented during her time on the MTV show, on which she started appearing in 2011.
“I disowned my mother and siblings and friends, but the truth is no one wants to talk to you when they suspect you’re a junkie,” she says.
Continuing, the 25-year-old says, “It hurt my heart, made me sick to my soul that I couldn’t see my son. I filled that hateful void with more drugs. The drugs always made the pain go away. They didn’t turn on me or betray me. I guess heroin was my first steady, dependable lover. It gave me what I needed to live and I gave it my life. By this entry, heroin was the only thing I had in my life that loved me.”
The reality TV star is now a mom of three: Jace, 8, Kaiser, 2, and Ensley, 4 months.
This article originally appeared on PEOPLE