In Teresa Giudice‘s shocking new memoir, the Real Housewives of New Jersey star gets candid about her rocky relationship with husband Joe and how their legal troubles took a toll on their marriage.
“I’m still not happy with Joe,” Giudice writes in Standing Strong, available now. “Actually that’s the understatement of the friggin’ century. And I’m not going to hide it anymore.”
Giudice, 45, served a nearly yearlong stint in prison for mail, wire and bankruptcy fraud. Joe is currently serving out a 41-month sentence for the same crimes.
While Giudice has stood by Joe throughout their ordeal, she’s opening up for the first time about the frustrations she feels towards her husband after his “stupid decision making” and deceit led to jail time.
“I used to lead a charmed life. Joe made plenty of money to support our family and then some,” she writes. “I was happy and relaxed. Until Joe f—— up. And he f—– up bad. Now I’m a single mother. I handle everything. All of it. And I support my entire family financially, which is a big weight on my shoulders on top of everything else.”
As Giudice focuses on her four daughters—Gia,16, Gabriella,12, Milania, 11, and Audriana, 8, —she’s not sure what the future holds for her relationship.
“To tell you the truth, I don’t know what’s going to happen,” she says. “I mean, do I see Joe and me together in ten years? Do I see us growing old together? I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe not. He’ll always be a part of my life, because he’s the father of my children; that I can say for sure. You just never know what’s going to happen. Life is a roller coaster, and you have to ride the highs ad the lows all the same.”
This article originally appeared on PEOPLE