Two months after revealing her experience with several forms of addiction over the years, Britt Nilsson admits there are still areas she struggles with.
Nilsson, who starred on Chris Soules‘ season of The Bachelor in 2015 and later faced-off against Kaitlyn Bristowe for the lead of season 11 of The Bachelorette, is set to appear on Friday’s episode of The Doctors alongside her husband Jeremy Byrne, whom she wed on Saturday.
In a sneak peek at the episode, the 30-year-old recalls being bulimic while filming the ABC reality show.
“Behind the scenes, there’s food everywhere,” she says. “It’s very high-stress fitting into these really tiny ball gowns — I’m in in front of millions of [viewers]. I felt more of a need to be perfect than ever.”
“I remember taking my mic off, hiding it under towels and throwing up,” she adds. “Then [I’d look] in the mirror like: ‘You are going to get caught. You are such a mess. What are you doing? Stop, stop, stop’ — and I couldn’t.”
Nilsson says she has since overcome the eating disorder.
“I made a vow to myself about two years ago after the show,” she says. “I did a lot of soul-searching and I was like: ‘You know what? No matter what, I’m never throwing up again.’ “
“I gained weight and it was yo-yo-ing, and it was scary,” she admits. “There are times where I’ve had to call Jeremy and be like, ‘I want to throw up so bad — I’m so scared.’ There is so much pressure to be thin. He’s talked me through it and I don’t throw up anymore, however, the binge eating disorder is something that I think about a lot … every day.”
In July, Nilsson shared a candid video blog on her YouTube channel in which she discussed her struggles with alcoholism, drug abuse and eating disorders.
“My makeup is basically that I just want it all, all the time,” she explained. “That’s what makes me a really joyful person … I really like experiencing life, I really, truly enjoy life so much — but I also don’t know when to stop.”
Nilsson also confessed to being addicted to drugs in college.
“I used to be addicted to cocaine,” she said. “I used to smoke weed every single day in college. I would be high giving presentations. I basically didn’t know how to live without drugs.”
Nilsson urged anyone struggling with similar issues to “tell somebody.”
“Not someone online, not [in] a chat room,” she said. “Tell someone that you know, because just letting the secret out is the biggest part of it. We’re only as sick as our secrets.”
Nilsson’s episode of The Doctors airs Friday (check local listings).
This article originally appeared on PEOPLE.