On Thursday’s episode of The Doctors, former reality star Vienna Girardi opened up about losing her twin daughters in August, less than a week after sharing that they were girls with friends and family.
“I found out about six months ago that I was pregnant — I couldn’t wait to be a mom. At 8 weeks I got another surprise — that I was having twins,” Girardi, 31, said, before adding that along with that happy news, she was also told that “there is a rare condition that they can get in the uterus called twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome,” which is when one twin takes more nutrients than the other.
But despite the warning, Girardi said that “every ultrasound came out pretty good.”
“I was going into my 5th month and we thought we were in the clear. I started getting my nursery together and I had a gender reveal party and I picked out their names. Then a week later I was sitting on my couch and my water broke,” she continued. “I immediately called 911 and I remembered just crying saying, ‘I know my babies can’t survive at 18 weeks.’ ”
Although the doctors suggested inducing labor, Girardi refused because she “wanted to try and save them,” but “after a few days I went into septic shock [and] I couldn’t feel them anymore.”
And after getting an ultrasound, Girardi learned their hearts were no longer beating.
“Two weeks after I made the announcement of my gender reveal, I had to then announce I had lost the babies,” Girardi continued.
In August, The Bachelor alum shared the sad news with her Facebook followers that her daughters “went to Heaven on Aug 5th” at 18 weeks.
“On Aug 3rd, I went in for an ultra sound bc the Perinatologist notice one of my twins had more fluids than the other which was the first sign of TTTS (Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome) this is when one twin takes more nutrients than the other,” she wrote. “They said that it did look like it had improved over the last week though.”
“Unfortunately, that was not the case and that evening my water broke due to the amniotic sacs rupturing,” continued Girardi at the time. “I spent the next 2 days in the hospital trying everything to save them.”
And according to a statement from her rep at the time, Girardi herself nearly lost her life too.
“On the second day in the hospital, she went into septic shock with a fever of 104 degrees,” he said. “She was rushed into the OR and spent four days in the ICU. She almost died.”
“The doctors did everything they could to save the babies and said there was a 5 percent chance they would survive,” her rep continued. “Her little twins’ hearts stopped beating and joined the angels in heaven on Aug. 5. Vienna has a long and arduous journey to recovery, yet she is strong and knows her children are at rest in heaven.”
Speaking about the possibility of losing her daughter on the same day as her granddaughters, Girardi’s mother tells The Doctors, “It was very heartbreaking … [it] was the worst experience.”
“For the most part, I try my hardest not to think about it, but every day I get in the elevator and there’s a lady in my building who’s pregnant and I stare at her belly the entire elevator ride up. Every time I hold my goddaughter or hold my niece, I don’t wanna let them go,” Girardi added. “I’m trying so hard to move past it, but it just seems impossible to stop thinking about it.”
“The scariest part is after you have a miscarriage, you start thinking, ‘Am I never gonna be able to have kids again?’ ” Girardi continued, adding that before she went into surgery, she’d been told by doctors she might not be able to conceive in the future.
But there is a silver lining: Girardi reveals on the show that her doctors told her that she would be able to get pregnant again.
As soon as she woke up from surgery, Girardi says one of the first things she remembered was asking her mom, “Am I gonna be able to get pregnant again?”
“And she looked at me and said, ‘Yes,’ ” Girardi continues. “She said, ‘The doctors say everything went smoothly and you will be able to get pregnant.’ ”
Shortly before the episode aired, Girardi shared an Instagram collage from the taping and wrote, “I appreciate all your support and all the prayers over the few months #twinangelbabies”
This article originally appeared on PEOPLE