During the hardest moments, what did you think about?
I began to focus on love and being grateful for the simple things in life that we are usually too busy to notice – the wind on my skin, the scent of the ocean, the sound of my baby’s breath. I’ve had a collective of warrior women and men who stood by my side and helped me navigate these unchartered waters.
How did you feel when you had to stop breastfeeding Luna?
I was weak, angry, scared and lost. I felt as though precious moments and time have been stolen from us. I had a primal yearning to breastfeed for years, so it felt so unfair and cruel. But I’ve come to accept that absolutely nothing, not even a cancer diagnosis, was going to take away our bond and the blessing she signifies. She saved my life!
What is your bond like with Luna now?
She has deepened the love between soulmates, brought out a fierce lioness I didn’t know lay within me and been the truest guiding light in moments that seemed impossible to overcome. When the time comes, [partner] JP [Jones] and I will sit her down and fill her in on all we did together to protect our family. I want her to know that strength and softness are equally important, and that they reside within her. I want her to know that we fought for her, and that our love for her is what saw us through the darkest hours.
Are you healthy now?
It’s incredible to see my body regenerate and heal – and I’m feeling hugely grateful for each day and new milestone I meet. I still have to have my ovaries removed and this brought up more pain, sadness and anger than anything. I resent the fact that cancer has potentially taken away the option of having another baby. But I know that removing them is a power move, and I need to make it in order to protect the life I have with Luna and my man.
Do you feel beautiful?
I learnt how resilient the mind and body are, and we don’t realise what our limits are until we are forced to explore them. I’ve gained a few war wounds and warrior stripes but I’m happy, healthy, relieved and above all, alive. I’ve never felt more myself and there is so much beauty in that.
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