A beginner's guide to bondage
What is BDSM? And how does the 'B' interact with the rest of the acronym?
BDSM is an inclusive term given to cover Bondage and Discipline (B&S), Domination and Submission (D&S), and Sadism and Masochism (S&M). Sexual behaviours that might be considered kinky - involving restraints, pain, and power play. These practices are consensual and engaged in by both parties for mutual satisfaction.
The 'B' (Bondage) is the act of being physically restrained during sexual activity, and is the most popular BDSM practise - usually involving scarves, rope, chains or handcuffs. Bondage allows one partner to let go while the other takes charge, building anticipation. It can be used as a part of sex or in conjunction with other BDSM activities.
What are some tips you’d give to someone who’s wanting to or beginning to explore bondage?
1. Start slow and do your research if you want to get into BDSM play.
2. Bring it up with your partner to discuss what your preferences are. A good way to start is to have a little brainstorming session - separately writing down things you would do, wouldn’t do and would maybe try.
3. Swap and check out each other's lists. (This allows for both of you to understand what the other is comfortable with.)
4. Once you and your partner decide to start exploring, make sure you are prepared with the right equipment and you both agree on a safe word (usually something abstract so the activity stops in case anything becomes too much for either party). Safe sexual play is a must!
What are some good bondage positions for beginners to experiment with?
Queen: The giving partner lies on their back with the receiving partner straddling their shoulders and positions their thighs either side of the giving partner’s head in a snug embrace. The giving partner can hold onto the receiving partner’s thighs to help guide them in closer - giving them an irresistible combo of sensation overload and exploration of power roles.
Bear Hug: The receiving partner stands and raises one leg in a bent position to welcome the giving partner in - using a wall or bed for support depending on how upright they wish to be. The giving partner stands behind the receiving partner in a tight hug and penetrates them, holding onto the waist of the receiving partner to draw them in close. You can add a blindfold for added stimulation.
The Good Side: A winning combination - recline and enjoy targeted G-spot or P-spot stimulation. The receiving partner lies sideways, holding their head with one arm bent at the elbow and their knees slightly bent. The giving partner kneels behind the receiving partner so they are vertical to the reclining partner's body with their knees widened to aid penetration.
Abracadabra: One partner lies on their back with their legs open and raised. The other partner kneels with their knees on either side of the reclining partner’s hips and helps support their raised legs by holding the ankles. Use ropes or a leg spreader bar to hold your partner's legs up so their hands are free to explore other areas of their partner’s body.
The best bondage accessories for beginners
"Bondage doesn’t have to be an extreme act," the sexologist highlights, "there are lots of toys that are perfect for beginners".
With this in mind, we've rounded up some of the best bondage accessories and sex toys to experiment with in your bedroom (or playroom!).
All Tied Up bondage play kit 8pc, $129.95, Lovehoney
"This kit is perfect for beginners - featuring eight products to experiment with, it offers a non-intimidating experience for those who are wanting to start their kink journey," Otten says.
Pipedream deluxe soft and silky rope 32ft, $23.99, Wild Secrets
This lush rope feels silky soft against the skin which is perfect for beginners wanting to bind their lovers (or levelling up to creating body harnesses with more experience).
Bondage Seductions sex game, $44.95, Lovehoney
"You might also want to try experimenting with bondage sex games to break the ice and introduce BDSM in a fun way," Otten shares.
Adam and Eve Fetish Dreams vegan leather paddle, $27.99, Wild Secrets
If you or your partner are partial to a good spanking, you'll love this beginner-friendly paddle that delivers a good slap - both soft and firm depending on your preference.
Furry handcuff, $19.95 at Love Honey
"Offering a gentle introduction to bondage, these handcuffs are coated with soft fur and boast a secure lock and quick release lever for effective and safe restraint," says Otten.
Sex & Mischief vegan leather crop, $39.99, Wild Secrets
Give your partner a targeted thwack or light spanking with this versatile riding crop that also comes in handy during pony play.
Fifty Shades of Grey Bound to You faux leather spreader bar, $109.95, Lovehoney
You can squirm with tortured delight but you can hardly move while strapped in this authentic Fifty Shades of Grey spreader bar that pairs well with ankle cuffs and wrist cuffs.
California Exotic adjustable nipple clamps with chain, $35.99, Wild Secrets
Experiment with sensation by using these nipple clamps that can be adjusted. Let your partner gently pull the chain for heightened pain or pleasure.
Oh! Satin blindfold, $9.95 at Love Honey
"A blindfold is a must-have for sensory deprivation," says Otten, "the fur lining means that it's still comfortable when worn for long periods of time".
Chantelle Otten is a Melbourne-based psycho-sexologist and author with European and Australian education including a Bachelor in Psychological Science and a Masters of Science Medicine (Sexual Health/Psychosexual Therapy).