Lisa Vanderpump breaks down in tears on Tuesday’s episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills as she mourns the loss of her Pomeranian pup, Pink Dog.
PEOPLE has the first look at the emotional scene, in which the 57-year-old reality star and animal activist calls up fellow Housewives Kyle Richards and Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave to discuss the dog’s death.
Pink Dog – who is thought to have been around 5 years of age – was Pink by name and by nature, with Vanderpump getting the dog’s white fur tinted pink with food coloring regularly. She died of a heart attack back in September.
“We couldn’t sleep,” Vanderpump tells her castmates. “I don’t even want to go to [dog rescue center Vanderpump Dogs] because if one person says to me, ‘So sorry about Pink Dog,’ I’ll lose my mind.”
“There was blood coming out of her mouth,” she adds of Pink Dog’s death. “You feel responsible. Had I been there, maybe I could have rushed her to the vet earlier.”
Both Richards and Mellencamp Arroyave assure Vanderpump she’ll be okay.
“Lisa, there’s nothing you could have done,” says Richards, 49. “Rest and take care of yourself.”
“You gave that dog a great life,” adds Mellencamp Arroyave, 36.
But Vanderpump can’t hold back her grief.
“Pink Dog was a happy, little, pink dog. And she just had a heart attack and died,” she tells viewers, tears rolling down her face. “My dogs are like my little furry children. I don’t want to cry. Can we stop now?”
Back in September, she honoured Pink Dog’s life in a touching post on Instagram.
“Rest in peace Pink Dog,” she wrote, attached to a photo of the pooch. “We are devastated to see you go so suddenly… you were such a happy pink dog and we will miss you dreadfully, we love you 💕.”
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Tuesdays (9 p.m. ET) on Bravo.
This article originally appeared on PEOPLE.