Australian singles are feeling more sexually confident than ever before according to new research, but it seems like some of us didn’t get the memo.
Luckily, Chantelle Otten is here to save the day.
WATCH: Chantelle Otten talks about sex and disability on Dylan Alcott’s podcast
Bumble’s ‘Modern Romance’ report found that 43 per cent of singletons surveyed reckon they’re at their sexual peak, leaving the other 57 per cent a little lost.
After a pandemic, changes to our bodies and the horrors of modern dating, it can be hard to feel sexy, so WHO spoke with sexologist Chantelle Otten to learn how to get our mojo back.
“Your best sexual partner is yourself. You need to start with solo work and really take some time to invest in yourself, invest in the way that you feel and your sexual self-esteem,” Chantelle tells WHO exclusively.
She suggests everything from trying sex toys, to dressing up in lingerie or getting your kit off and taking nude photos – whatever feels good to you.
“It can also be things just like dancing naked, going to sleep naked, starting to get really in touch with like the sensory experience of being naked,” she adds.
For the more adventurous types, Chantelle recommends listening to orgasmic meditation (yes, that’s a real thing), and for those just starting out it’s totally okay to “take it slow”.
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“We, as femmes are raised to not be sexual or not be sexual enough that we would threaten the other genders,” Chantelle explains. “I think we have to look at our own in inner misogyny and go… ‘it’s okay to be as erotic as I want to be’.”
Being more sexually confident can also help you attract sexually confident partners, who know how to speak openly about everything from desire to orgasms.
And with more than 70 percent of Aussies agreeing that sexual chemistry is the key to starting a relationship, you’re only doing yourself a favour by embracing your own sexual confidence.
Chantelle assures us that doesn’t mean you have to become a kinky vixen overnight, and there’s nothing wrong with being “vanilla”.
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But if you want to feel more sexually adventurous, you can start by taking the things you’re already doing to the next level, like trying flavoured lube or racy outfits.
It all comes down to what makes you feel good, “I don’t present myself as a sexual being for anyone else except myself,” Chantelle adds.
“If you can go, ‘what am I doing this for? Am I dressing for me? Am I doing this for me?’ That will help you a lot more.”
Speaking of doing things for ourselves, Bumble found over a third of Aussies confessed they’d faked orgasms for a partner, and that doesn’t sound like doing it for yourself at all. So why are people still faking it in 2022?
“People might fake it because they just want to get out of there,” Chantelle laughs, adding that it often comes from a place of someone not wanting to disappoint their partner.
“I have never found that there’s any shame with going, ‘I just can’t orgasm that way’ or ‘I’m not going to orgasm today, but that’s really fun’. If you open the conversation, it’s so much easier.”
WATCH: Chantelle Otten shares a sweet kiss with Dylan Alcott
And if you’re not going to orgasm at all, that’s okay too. After all, orgasms don’t always have to be the “end goal” of sex, just like how sexual compatibility isn’t the be-all and end-all of dating.
“You can have love without desire and desire without love. I think that it’s about the fun balance,” says Chantelle, who has found her own ‘fun balance’ with boyfriend Dylan Alcott.
“There’s always going to be highs and lows in long-term relationships, especially in terms of both love and desire. It’s a journey, it’s not meant to be exciting and fun all the time!”
But wait, Chantelle is dating a handsome tennis star who’s almost as cool as she is (sorry Dylan!). What about before she met ‘The One’?
“I also had a lot of fun when I was dating before Dylan as well,” she laughs cheekily.
Her parting advice for singletons still looking for The One (or even just a cheeky fling)? “Go enjoy yourself. I mean, I used to love being single. It was so much fun!
“I really think that everyone needs to embrace it. Being single is just like an amazing time in your life.”
Well, if we eventually end up with a guy half as cool as Dylan Alcott, or a woman half as brilliant as Chantelle, maybe the dating game isn’t so bad.
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