A survey from We-Vibe suggests 90 per cent of Aussies have the desire to try using a sex toy with their partner.
We-Vibe sex and relationship expert Christine Rafe explains our desire for partnered play is for good reason, especially for vulva owners, as it supports curiosity and can increase “orgasmic potential”.
“The research shows us that less than 20 per cent of vulva owners experience orgasm reliably from penetrative stimulation alone, so using toys that stimulate the external clitoris during penetration increases orgasm potential,” she says.
But with a lot of moving (or buzzing) parts, or fear of what your partner might think, entering the world of partnered play can be daunting… So we’ve asked the experts how to do it best.
How do couples use sex toys together?
Toys can be used on many of the erogenous zones for both men and women, so Christine suggests figuring out if you want to support pleasure for just you, just your partner or the both of you.
“If you’re incorporating toys for the first time, get curious with each other about what types of toys, types of stimulation and body parts you want to incorporate toys with,” Christine says.
“This way you can set boundaries around what is possible to explore, and knowing this beforehand can help on deciding which toys to use.”
Sexpert for sexual wellness brand Normal, Georgia Grace, also outlines that toys won’t replace your connection with your partner.
“They can’t, and they won’t, but what they can do is make the sex you’re having even better,” she says.
How do I tell my partner that I want to use sex toys together?
Grace recommends not broaching the topic before or after sex as that’s when we’re usually at our most vulnerable – plus, no-one likes to be caught off guard.
“You can bring up the conversation about adding toys while on a walk or over dinner,” she says.
“When you do bring it up, consider using a sandwich method, starting with something like ‘I really love our sex life and I feel lucky to be having sex with you’, before suggesting you want to explore using toys together and ending with a reminder that it isn’t to replace your partner, it’s to make your sex life even better.”
If your partner reacts judgementally or feels emasculated, Grace suggests that the both of you do some research and address any underlying shame.
“If they’re not into it, remember we can never force people to do something that they don’t want to,” she says. “So maybe you use a toy on your own and perhaps revisit this conversation at another time.”
What should I know/do before using sex toys with my partner?
“Be aware of the practicalities of using toys such as charging, how to turn them on and off, different settings, and any app connectivity,” Christine advises.
“It’s better to get confident with the toy’s functions before you’re in the moment so you can stay focused on pleasure and play.”
Grace also suggests having a good water-based lube on hand.
“Lube is important with all toys, as it’s going to make the sex more enjoyable,” she says.
“Also make sure you have a good toy cleaner available, not only for hygiene purposes but also to ensure that the toy lasts.”
And finally, before going all in with your partner, Grace recommends experimenting with toys by yourself (if you haven’t already), so you can communicate exactly what you enjoy.
“I’d also suggest a practise and a play session,” she says. “Once you’ve figured it out on your own, figure out how it feels for both you and your partner by practising it.”
During this time, Christine recommends open and honest communication about what feels good for the both of you.
“Our partners are not mind readers, so we need to provide feedback, either verbal or non-verbal, about what we are enjoying.”
And remember, while pleasure is the aim of the game here, don’t be too attached to the goal or the outcome.
What are the best sex toys for couples?
We-Vibe – Sync 2
$239.00
We-Vibe’s Sync 2 is great for couples as it can be used when you’re together AND when you’re apart.
How? Well, if you’re together, you or your partner can take the reins with the easy-to-use remote.
But if you’re long distance and phone sex doesn’t cut it, you or your partner can connect via the We-Vibe app for play across any distance.
With 10 thrilling vibration settings, this toy guarantees hands-free excitement that keeps things fresh; near or far.
Lelo – TIANI™ DUO
$289.00
Flexible, soft, and totally body-friendly, Lelo’s TIANI™ DUO is a great sex toy for couples.
Two motors work together to hit all the right spots, delivering sensations to the clit and the penis at the same time.
Take a page out of Sabrina Carpenter’s book – “Wanna try out my fuzzy pink handcuffs?”
These lockable cuffs are durable and reliable, yet fluffy like a kitten for super-comfy fun.
Ultimately, they’re a great option for couples who are wanting to explore bondage.
The Vibrating Rabbit Cock Ring is all about shared climaxes.
Soft, stretchy silicone hugs him while the vibrating ears hit her just right.
Two speeds, three patterns, and a removable bullet mean you can switch it up however you like.
This Couple’s Bundle is a great bargain; you save $29.95!
It includes the Blowmotion Warming Vibrating Male Masturbator – which will warm and vibrate around him – and the Rose Clitoral Suction Stimulator – which will tease her with 10 intense suction modes.
Both toys guarantee effortless fun for two.
