The following contains spoilers for the first episode of Dirty John. Watch the trailer below.
Poor Debra (Connie Britton). She really, really wants to find a good guy. And she has four ex-husbands to prove she's persistent. She also believes that "if you design the most beautiful life, nothing ugly can get in." Nice theory, Debra. Here's a more useful guide to ensuring you don't end up dating a conman.
He shows up for a first date in shorts
Unless you're going to the beach, make an effort. We're with Debra's daughter Veronica, who asks John, "Are you delivering a package?" She raises the snark level later in the therapist's office when she describes him as a "homeless frat guy".
He turns the conversation back to you
There's a reason John (Eric Bana) prefers to talk about Debra. Because he's hiding something!
He feeds you with a spoon
On the one hand, it can be viewed as romantic. On the other, it's controlling.
He makes himself too comfortable
Who even does that?
He takes no for an answer really badly
John's behaviour when he has to be talked off Debra's bed like a small child then storms out of her apartment without a word should've been a huge red flag for Debra. But all it took was one phone call for him to woo her back.
He says things like "Damn, we're good looking"
Who even says that?
He's mean to your kids... and threatens to slap them
If your new boyfriend is the reason you're disinviting one of your kids from Thanksgiving dinner, it's time to take a good, hard look at what's going on.
He moves in with you after five weeks
Or, you know, marries you after eight-and-a-half weeks. And makes it seem like it's your idea!