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Seven years have passed since Chris Watts was sentenced for the murders of his pregnant wife, Shanann, and their two young daughters, Bella and Celeste – a horrific case that was examined in the Netflix documentary, American Murder: The Family Next Door.
Watts is now serving five life sentences at Dodge Correctional Institution in Waupun, Wisconsin, with little more than the horror of what he did to his young family for company.
The details of Watts’ crime are enough to give anyone nightmares, yet beyond those prison walls, another disturbing, yet common, development has emerged.
Watts has reportedly received letters from women on the outside, not condemning him for the crimes that obliterated his family, but offering sympathy, attention and, in some cases, flirtation instead.
He’s hardly the first – or only – violent offender to attract this kind of attention. Serial killers like Ted Bundy, the Menendez brothers, Charles Manson and The Night Stalker, Richard Ramirez, have all inspired their own strange little fan clubs of women swooning over them.
Lyle Menendez even married – and later divorced – two separate women who had written to him while he was incarcerated, along with his brother, for the murder of his parents.
It might sound twisted, but criminologist Dr Xanthe Weston of CQUniversity tells WHO that there are deep‑rooted forces at play that drive some women to start pen‑pal “relationships” with men behind bars – and that, for them, it can come with a surprising sense of security.
When love feels safer at a distance
There are groups of women who may reach out to these high-profile killers as an attempt at having a piece of “notoriety”, or because they think they may be able to “fix” them, as Dr Weston explains.
However, for some women, writing to an inmate feels safer than dating someone outside prison because the barriers create a controlled, predictable intimacy and Dr Weston says there’s “a certain element of protection” in that distance.
“You can kind of class yourself in a relationship, but there isn’t actually going to be the intimacy, the living together”, says Dr Weston, adding that separation “can actually be counterintuitively a protective factor” for women whose history of falling victim to “dysfunctional” or “abusive relationships” makes real‑world intimacy feel unsafe.
On paper, writing to someone behind bars lets these women feel wanted and needed without the daily grind of sharing a life or a home or worrying if their partner is out there cheating with other women. Essentially, it offers some of the best bits of a relationship – attention, flattery, a story to step into without the day-to-day messiness and insecurities that come with real-world romance. It’s affection without cohabitation, love without logistics.
However, that same neat little bubble can hide a growing emotional dependence, and the much deeper vulnerabilities sitting underneath.
‘I can change him’
There’s also that familiar fantasy humming underneath it all – the ‘but I can fix him’ mentality. It’s the same storyline we’ve been sold for years – from Beauty and the Beast to every ‘bad boy with a good heart’ rom‑com subplot, the message is always the same: If you just love him hard enough, he’ll turn into the perfect man.
With men like Watts, that script gets a darker spin.
Some women convince themselves that their letters, their support, and their unwavering belief will unlock the real man beneath the headlines – the one no one else understands. As Dr Weston puts it, some women are “really drawn to damage because they feel the need to fix others,” often because that’s what they’ve “always had to do.”
“Some of these women are trying to save them [and think] that if they love them enough, they can change them,” she tells us. “And that’s something we see reflected in relationships outside of prison as well: women staying with very damaged men because they think that if they treat them right, they can change them and heal them.”
It might feel like a redemptive love story, but the reality is that it’s one‑sided emotional labour for a man whose violence and selfishness don’t disappear just because someone decided to write him a happy ending.
Why ‘safe’ love still hurts
On the surface, having a prison pen‑pal can look like a safer option, but as Dr Weston points out, the “notion of love in this context is incredibly complex” and “almost a fiction of a relationship” because it can never be a full, intimate partnership with all the quirks and quarrels that come with being with someone physically – and freely.
She describes it as “inherently dysfunctional” and “unhealthy,” noting that being attracted to men who have committed crimes “because of their violence and infamy” doesn’t “speak to any relationship that could be classed as healthy.”
While women might say they “really enjoy interacting with these men,” the incarcerated person, in turn, is looking for something very different.
“They enjoy receiving the attention,” Dr Weston tells us. “They enjoy being perceived as attractive and wanted; [it’s] the same kind of ego boost that anyone would get from being sought out by strangers. It’s basically ego.”
Beyond their ego, these women may also be able to offer something more tangible than attention to the jailed man, such as money, a visitor to offer company, and contact with the outside world.
As Dr Weston warns, “the women [seeking these sorts of relationships] are inherently, often damaged,” and, unfortunately, that can leave them emotionally invested in someone whose capacity for genuine, healthy love is deeply compromised.
If this story raises concerns for you or someone you know, support is available. Contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or visit lifeline.org.au for 24/7 confidential help. Or call 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) or visit 1800respect.org.au.
