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I went in to bat for him last week when he chose to keep Elora over Nina. Everyone was all, like, ‘Eden’s just thinking with his nether-regions,’ but I actually felt sorry for him. And I felt like his intentions were pure.
It honestly felt to me like he wanted to find love. And that Nina’s zero-contact, zero-intimacy rule was testing his patience (and hello, can we all talk about the fact that this little rule was from a girl who LITERALLY holds the Guinness World Record for longest on-screen pash?).
I think he knew, in his heart of hearts, that she had the ding-dongs for Daniel bad, and he had to cut her loose. I felt for him – I really did.
But tonight? Not so much. Goddamit Eden – what on earth were you thinking?
Why on earth did you feel the need to write that long letter from American Jarrod and leave it on Elora’s pillow?
Ok, I get that she wasn’t into sliding down a sand dune on an esky lid with you. Or laughing at your gags. Or flicking taramasalata all over you during your one-on-one food fight. But getting back at her for this by pretending another Bro was into her?
Low blow, dude – low blow.
Also – you totally made American J-Rod look like a fool. And, for a while there at least, the WHOLE of Australia was thinking that Simone was some kind of bunny-boiling sociopath.
I’m tempted to write you off as just another Tropical Douch. But no. I refuse to believe that you came up with this little caper all on your own.
I refuse to believe that you honestly thought Elora (yes, the same Elora who obviously became unnecessarily unhinged over a perceived missed opportunity with Apollo), would take it well.
Also – the girl can literally twirl fire. FIRE! One wrong look at her, and she literally has the ways and means to grab one of her torches (because, obviously, she would have packed them), head on over to your Bure – and burn you alive!
No – I reckon, instead, what happened was that the producers egged you on. And you were bored, and realised you didn’t actually have a thing for ANYONE on Fantasy Shag-land. And you knew you were going home, and wanted to lob a grenade in the mix before you left.
I bet it all seemed like a really good idea after fifteen Fiji Bitters with the male crew at 3am.
But I bet you weren’t thinking it was such a good idea when you finally fessed up to Tara and Sam – who I am now declaring to be the moral benchmark for this island – and they looked at you aghast. That’s kinda the equivalent of your Mum finding out you cheated at Monopoly on Family Board Game Night, and is all, like, ‘I thought I raised you better.’
Oh Eden – what were you thinking? I went into bat for you! I had your back when the rest of Australia were starting to think you were just another Kiwi Bro-bag. You’ve let me down.
Thankfully, Elora is a better person than I and chose to give her rose to you, despite all that tomfoolery. She still wants you to have a shot at ‘finding love.’
Or maybe – just maybe – she’s planning the mother of all come-back pranks.
Watch this space….
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