For years, Meghan Markle has been told to shut up. To stop giving interviews, explaining herself, airing family grievances in public and revisiting what happened during her too-short time behind palace walls.
So there was something deeply ironic about watching the Duke and Duchess of Sussex arrive at the European Parliament in Brussels on November 10 and seeing Meghan do precisely what so many of her critics have demanded of her for years.
This time, Meghan stayed silent, yet that wasn’t quite right either.
Meghan lets Harry take the lead
Arriving hand-in-hand at the opening of the Lost Screen Memorial, it was an unusually quiet Meghan who let her husband take the lead, the strain of recent events evident.
The couple had been due to deliver a joint keynote address on online child safety, but an emotional Meghan, 45, pulled out of speaking, leaving Prince Harry, 42, to step up to the podium alone.
“I’m not here as an expert or a politician,” Harry said. “I’m here as a father, my wife, as a mother.”
It was Meghan’s first public appearance since her estranged father, Thomas Markle Sr., was charged in the US with possessing child sexual abuse material, allegations he has denied.
“Meghan, how are you feeling and how are you coping?” one reporter called out.
Meghan didn’t answer. For almost any other member of the British Royal Family, this would be utterly unremarkable.
But the Duchess of Sussex isn’t usually one to stay silent for long.
Let’s be honest about Meghan’s history
There is an obvious argument against feeling sorry for the Sussexes here, and it shouldn’t simply be waved away.
Since stepping back from royal duties in 2020, Harry and Meghan have hardly been champions of the Windsor mantra of “never complain, never explain”.
Through interviews, documentaries, podcasts and Harry’s memoir, Spare, they have revealed extraordinarily personal details about their relationships with the Royal Family.
Harry alleged his brother Prince William physically attacked him, while Meghan famously disputed reports she had made Princess Catherine cry before her wedding, claiming the reverse had happened.
They have shared their side of deeply personal disputes knowing those on the other side are unable to do the same to defend themselves.
With each interview, revelation and retelling, I have questioned how reopening old grievances could possibly help Harry repair the family relationships he claims to so badly want back.
So I understand why some observers are now asking why the silence when the scandal belongs to Meghan’s own family?
It’s not an entirely unreasonable question, but it’s also where this situation becomes much more complicated.
What did Meghan know about her father?
Meghan has been estranged from her father since he was caught staging paparazzi photos for payment in the lead up to her 2018 wedding. In the years since, he has given a series of tell-all interviews about his youngest daughter.
Before his arrest, I have long argued that this was already enough for Meghan to justify cutting contact with her father.
Before arriving in Brussels, Meghan said she was “deeply distressed” by the allegations now laid against him.
“Any distance from my father and my choice to not allow him to have contact with our children, was for one reason: to protect them,” she said of Prince Archie, 7, and Princess Lilibet, 5.
The Metropolitan Police has confirmed it received a letter containing allegations about Thomas Markle Sr. in January 2019 and passed the information to the Sussexes’ office.
The British police did not, however, share the information with other law-enforcement agencies at the time, which is now under investigation.
The revelation that Meghan knew of serious allegations but did not speak publicly has inevitably raised uncomfortable questions.
“You kept your mouth shut while an untold number of children may have been harmed by your father, so thanks Meghan,” columnist and podcaster Maureen Callahan said on News 24.
However, there is another important part of the story. Meghan’s position is that she believed the allegations were being investigated and did not want to jeopardise any proceedings.
That hardly settles every question, but it does make the suggestion that Meghan simply chose to look the other way far less straightforward.
What charges is Thomas Markle Sr. facing?
Thomas Markle Sr. was arrested on November 6 and charged in the US with possessing child sexual abuse material, allegations he denies.
It came after US authorities allege that slides, film negatives and books containing suspected child sexual abuse material was found among items kept in two Los Angeles-area storage units he had rented for years.
He was initially released under home detention and electronic monitoring. Four days later, prosecutors alleged he cut off his monitoring device, leading a judge to revoke his release and order him held in federal custody.
There are separate investigations being carried out in the Philippines and Mexico.
Has Meghan been put in a no-win position?
There is plenty Meghan can legitimately be criticised for and the Sussexes can hardly demand complete privacy after making their own family disputes so public.
But fair criticism has to leave someone with the possibility of getting something right. Increasingly, I’m not sure Meghan has that luxury.
Meghan is not responsible for her father’s alleged actions, just as Princess Beatrice and Princess Eugenie are not responsible for those of their father, Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor.
When she talks, she’s oversharing, when she explains herself, she’s playing the victim and when she stays silent, it is viewed with suspicion.
So what exactly was she supposed to do in Brussels? Discuss an active criminal case involving her estranged father, issue a statement and risk being accused of making an event honouring children lost to online harm about herself or cancel and be accused of hiding?
Instead, she turned up, said nothing and let the focus remain where it belonged.
Whatever you think of Meghan and the choices she has made over the years, it is hard not to feel some sympathy for the impossible position she now finds herself in.
Perhaps the uncomfortable question isn’t why Meghan won’t give her critics the answer they want. It’s whether there is any answer she could ever give that they would be prepared to accept.
Read more expert opinion and analysis in WHO’s The Royal Verdict with Kylie Walters here.
