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Opinion: Within a few weeks, Australia will witness two royal visits that could not be more different in tone, purpose or symbolism.
On March 14, Queen Mary will touch down in Uluru — her first homecoming since she and King Frederik began their reign.
Her State Visit will be steeped in symbolism, diplomacy and the quiet discipline that has defined her two decades inside the Danish monarchy.
A month later, Meghan Markle will arrive for a trip of her own. No official duties, palace backing or constitutional purpose.
Instead, her visit will be private, self‑directed and — if history is any indication — likely to ignite a fresh wave of speculation about what she and Prince Harry hope to build outside the royal establishment.
Two women. Two tours. And two starkly different philosophies about how to inhabit the spotlight.
Seen in this light, the contrast is impossible to ignore — and so are the lessons Meghan might have drawn from Mary’s trajectory, had she ever been inclined to look.
Preparation isn’t optional
One of the most striking differences between Mary and Meghan is how they approached royal life before stepping into it.
Before she chanced upon her prince in a Sydney pub, Mary Donaldson knew little of the country that would become her home.
“I knew about Hans Christian Andersen and the Little Mermaid, and I knew about the Sydney Opera House — but that was about it,” she told the Australian Women’s Weekly.
But as soon as her romance with Frederik began to bloom, she prepared — intensely, quietly, deliberately.
Within months of meeting him, Mary enrolled herself in a $1195 course at Starquest Studios in Double Bay, run by deportment teacher and transformation coach Teresa Page.
“[Mary] told me, ‘Life is passing me by and I want to change my life,’” Teresa told me.
The eight‑week training course covered goal‑setting, walking in heels with grace, speaking on camera and image development. It gave Mary the confidence to know she wasn’t going to accidentally embarrass herself by making a wrong step in her early days.
Before marrying Frederik, she also learned the notoriously difficult Danish language, studied the constitution, absorbed the expectations of the Danish court and shadowed senior royals.
She treated her upcoming life as a royal as the profession it is.
Meghan, by her own admission, did not. “I didn’t do any research because everything I needed to know, [Harry] was sharing with me,” she told Oprah Winfrey.
Meghan didn’t research the royal family, didn’t understand the hierarchy and didn’t fully grasp what royal duty entailed until she was already inside the system. It was a romantic approach to an institution that has never rewarded love.
The result was predictable: culture shock, frustration and a sense of being blindsided by a world she hadn’t studied.
Mary’s experience shows that preparation is about equipping yourself. It’s the difference between walking into a role with confidence and walking into it with confusion.
Royalty isn’t a role — It’s an identity
One thing Meghan never seemed to grasp about royal life was that it isn’t a role you play like Rachel Zane, her character on Suits.
She has often spoken about her surprise at the formality of royal life, expecting to portray a public persona while retaining a private one.
“I guess I started to understand very quickly that the formality on the outside carried through on the inside,” the duchess revealed on her Harry & Meghan Netflix series.
“[I thought there would be] a forward-facing way of being, and then you close the door and go, ‘You can relax now,’ but that formality carries over on both sides. And that was surprising to me.”
Mary, meanwhile, understood instinctively that the role wasn’t something you perform — it’s something you grow into.
“Actually, there hasn’t been a lot of, ‘This is what you should be,’” she told Andrew Denton on Enough Rope. “I’ve been given quite a lot of freedom to try and find my own way because it’s very important to continue to be yourself, otherwise you can’t be Crown Princess Mary and Mary.”
The difference is subtle yet profound. Meghan saw the role as a costume she could put on and take off. Mary saw it as a calling.
Slow and steady sets the pace
Royal life is a marathon, not a sprint.
Queen Margrethe was 83 when ill health forced her to abdicate, ushering in the reign of King Frederik and Queen Mary. In Britain, Queen Elizabeth II carried out duties until just days before her death at 96. King Charles and Princess Anne continue well into their 70s.
Having carried out charity work in Hollywood, one of the aspects Meghan seemed most excited about was taking on official duties.
“For me it’s very important to want to hit the ground running… even if it’s doing it quietly behind the scenes, which is what I’ve focused my energy on thus far,” she said on stage during a Royal Foundation conference just months before her 2018 wedding.
And she did “hit the ground running” — for a moment. But within two years of her big day, she and Harry were on a plane to start a new life in the US, via Canada, leaving royal life behind.
Mary took a different approach: slow, steady, purposeful. She explored causes, listening and learning as she went.
“I examined what it is that moves me,” Mary told Hello. “I realised that I’ve always had a hard time seeing people standing alone or outside, and not being able to understand why they are excluded from a group or a community.”
With the money gifted to her from the people of Denmark and Greenland at her 2004 wedding, the then‑Crown Princess founded The Mary Foundation in 2008.
The organisation is dedicated to combating social isolation, bullying, domestic violence and loneliness.
Today, Mary is celebrated not just for her stylish wardrobe, but for her work. She travels to conflict zones, advocates for women’s rights and champions those who cannot speak for themselves.
She has become the kind of royal Meghan once imagined she could be.
Consistency builds credibility
Mary Donaldson didn’t just marry a prince and become a beloved royal overnight. She earned her place through years of steady public service, careful preparation and a willingness to learn about and adopt the practices of the institution and culture she was joining.
Her ascent has been defined by reliability. Year after year, Mary continues to show up, study, understand the assignment and deliver.
Queen Mary rarely talks about her own journey. She might give the occasional interview for a special occasion such as her engagement or her 50th birthday, but she doesn’t need to. Her work speaks for her.
Meghan, by contrast, has struggled to land on a consistent public identity since stepping back from royal life. Is she a Hollywood producer? A lifestyle mogul? A humanitarian? A brand? All of the above? None of the above? Do you still even care?
The ambiguity has made it harder for audiences — and potential partners — to understand her purpose.
She remains one of the world’s most misunderstood royals, even after sharing her struggles, perspective and experiences through high‑profile interviews, multiple Netflix projects and her own Instagram account.
Mary’s example is a reminder that credibility isn’t built through glossy rollouts or perfectly lit interviews. It’s built in the quiet, unglamorous hours no one sees.
Why their paths diverged
Having thrown herself headfirst into royal life, Meghan has been quick to blame the institution for leaving her unprepared.
“There is no class on how to speak, how to cross your legs, how to be royal,” she told Oprah Winfrey.
What doesn’t seem to have occurred to her is that she could have sought out deportment training herself — just as Mary did.
In October 2018, I sat inside an arena at Sydney’s Olympic Park and watched Harry and Meghan take the stage at the Invictus Games closing ceremony.
Harry, charismatic as ever, delivered his speech with warmth — but he also paced constantly, punctuating his remarks with hesitant ums and ahs.
Meghan, by contrast, stood tall and still. She delivered her speech with crisp precision, radiating a calm, camera‑honed confidence that even her husband — a man raised in the spotlight — didn’t quite match.
Now imagine being the palace aide tasked with telling Meghan how to sit, stand or cross her legs after years of professional on‑camera experience. Would she listen?
Mary’s original deportment coach, Teresa Page, sees why their paths diverged.
When Mary first walked through her door, she was a 28‑year‑old marketing executive with no public profile. Meghan, by contrast, met Harry at 34 as a working actress with a lead role on a hit TV series and a global humanitarian platform, having travelled with World Vision to Rwanda to highlight the struggle for clean drinking water.
“Mary came to me full of untapped potential and a desire to listen, learn and reach for the stars,” Teresa told me.
“Meghan was in a much different place. She was already living up to her potential. She came in as a star but didn’t grasp that was different to being a royal.”
And that is the quiet, unmistakable difference between a woman who arrived ready to grow into her crown and a duchess still searching for where she fits in the world.
Read more expert opinion and analysis in WHO’s The Royal Verdict with Kylie Walters here.
