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I’m struck by two things after my 30-minute chat with diagnosed psychopath Loïc De Marie. 1: I have definitely dated a psychopath before, and 2. Despite years of therapy I would probably fall for it all again.
As someone who is relatively insecure, there is something so attractive about a person who is uber confident and totally unbothered by what others think.
The lack of empathy on the other hand…now that’s obviously a bit of a deterrent.
Alas, none of this is even relevant because we’re both happily coupled up with other people.
Yes, the psychopath has a girlfriend. And no, she is not like any of the women he has previously dated.
How is she different you might be wondering? Good question. I asked him the exact same thing.
“She has a father,” De Marie, who openly discusses his experiences with antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) and psychopathic traits on his social media, laughs. Ouch.
Reassuring me he is only half joking, the 26-year-old shares that his old ‘type’ was a depressed woman with no father.
“They’re much easier to manipulate,” he explains. “Emotionally weak and lonely.”
As someone on Zoloft who doesn’t speak to her dad, I can’t help but laugh that he’s saying this to me.
“I was targeting those women because I wanted instant gratification,” he shares. “It was all a game to me.”
*Gulp*
The Playbook
The ‘fun’ of the game, however, wasn’t watching the other person suffer. In fact, he says the pleasure came from simply knowing he had “acted well and given such a believable performance.”
Drawing a stark line between his diagnosis and narcissism as I go quiet, he is quick to reassure me he’s not that bad.
“Narcissists need to see the other person suffering to feel loved,” he says. “I just need it to confirm I acted well.” Ah, perfect.
And according to De Marie, playing the role of someone in love wasn’t hard for the most part. Although he did encounter some challenging moments.
“The problems started when people started asking me about my feelings and deep emotions,” he admits.
“It was like acting without a script,” he explains. “And because I’ve never experienced the emotions I was trying to portray, it was sometimes hard to fake.”
New Man
Starting therapy obviously hasn’t cured De Marie of his psychopathy, but it has made him more aware of his actions.
“I learned that other people have the right to live happily and not be victims,” he says. “I also learned that I can have what I want without rushing it.”
De Marie’s therapist has taught him to be upfront about his diagnosis when meeting new people, especially potential romantic partners.
“I was pretty lonely after I first got my diagnosis,” he shares. “People hear the word ‘psychopath’ and they associate it with horror movies.”
I can’t lie, my mind did go to the Ted Bundy film with Zac Efron when I first heard about De Marie. And his current girlfriend was no different.
“My partner was understandably a little scared at first,” he admits. “But then that fear turned into curiosity.”
Accepting that his reactions are different from other people’s, the Belgian’s girlfriend has come to understand his way of showing emotion.
“At the beginning she thought I was totally empty inside,” he laughs. “But now she knows there’s something there.”
Psychopaths may be twice as likely to comment violence offences than your average Joe Blow, but that doesn’t inherently mean they’re all bad.
They’re also more likely to be CEOs, but that doesn’t automatically make every business leader a psychopath.
Choosing to use his differences for good instead of evil, the 26-year-old gets his fix of power from bringing awareness to the personality disorder.
Deep Dive
From years of therapy, De Marie has discovered that he’s not “cold” or “heartless” like people often say. His span of emotions are just simply different.
“I feel joy, power and frustration very deeply,” he shares. “But I don’t get butterflies or nervous; even before a first date.”
On the topic of love, he is almost certain he feels it; but says the feelings are more in his mind than in his physical body. No sweaty palms on a first date for De Marie – wish I could say the same.
“When I love someone, I see them as an extension of me,” he explains. “I love this person as I love myself.”
That is how he differentiates between those he loves and those he doesn’t.
“I’ve learned that you don’t always need to get something from someone,” he says. “Sometimes the relationship and their presence is enough.”
Opening up about how he would react if his girlfriend tried to end things with him, De Marie insists it wouldn’t be like the other break-ups.
“My past relationships go out of my mind as soon as they end,” he says. “But this is my first relationship since my diagnosis and things are different for me now.”
Explaining that he wouldn’t feel depressed or sad, De Marie says he would instead feel frustrated and angry.
“Dating a psychopath who is ready to work on their diagnosis isn’t necessarily a bad thing,” he says. “We are good partners because we can read you like an open book, even if you don’t say a word.”
They may have less control over certain things, but De Marie insists that psychopaths are no different from ordinary people. Some good, some bad, but all with the free will to choose who they want to be.
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