It’s been a month since Dave Grohl broke the news he was fathering a child outside of his 21-year marriage to Jordyn Blum. And while People report Blum has “calmed down” over the Foo Fighters frontman’s infidelity, her friends are reportedly trying to influence her relationship.
Per the Daily Mail Blum’s closest friends have staged an intervention to help the 48-year-old (what better way to gain clarity than having your girls sit you down?!).
However, this was less of a comforting discussion as they reportedly begged her to leave Grohl, with one pal threatening to ghost Blum if she didn’t walk away.
And, this wouldn’t be the first time a celeb has faced pressure from a friend to leave their relationship. In 2006, Lauren Conrad offered Hills co-star Heidi Montag an ultimatum when she started dating Spencer Pratt.
Anyone who has seen a friend have relationship problems knows just how distressing it can be. But, should our friends’ opinions on our romantic relationships have that much weight?
WHO speaks to Clinical Psychologist and couple’s therapist Shahn Baker Sorekli to work out just that.
First, should we tell our friends about our relationship problems?
“It is absolutely ok to discuss relationship issues with your friends,” explains Sorekli. “There is nothing worse than bottling things up and dealing with heavy problems on your own.”
Connecting with friends can provide some much-needed perspective if you’re facing relationship drama – or drama of any kind. In fact, a 2020 study found those with close confidants are more satisfied with their lives.
Sorekli says choosing friends who have your back unconditionally and will maintain your privacy is vital.
“It’s also important to know that it’s possible to overwhelm friends with your problems,” he says. “Being mindful of this, can protect your friendship and ensure your friend does not become your therapist.”
Should our friends’ opinions influence our romantic relationships?
“Friends who are validating and supportive can have a positive influence on you without necessarily passing judgment on your relationship or partner,” Sorekli says.
However, when our nearest and dearest become opinionated about our relationship, it often reflects their personal beliefs.
“When they notice you stuck in negative relationship cycles and not acting how they think you should, they become increasingly frustrated,” he explains. “Such friends may be influenced by their own vulnerabilities or beliefs and project these onto you along with how they believe they would react in the same situation.”
So, while you can take your friend’s relationship advice on board, you shouldn’t treat it as gospel – especially if you don’t share the same viewpoints.
How to deal with friends trying to influence your relationship
While your friends can have opinions on your intimate partnership, how they handle their stance is make or break.
If they hold strong views about your partner or relationship or are always giving unsolicited advice, Sorekli offers two options:
“Option one, tell them you value their advice but you’re not ready to make a change and you’d rather they just be a supportive friend,” the co-author of The 8 Love Links says. “Option two, stop talking about your relationship and put in a boundary.”
Subsequently, you regain some power by telling your friend you’d rather not discuss your relationship woes.
What if my friend is having relationship problems?
When we’re watching a friend have issues with their SO, it can be overwhelming. If you’re finding your friend’s problems distressing to the point that you can’t be supportive, Sorekli suggests creating boundaries.
“For example, ‘I really care about you, but I can’t hear any more about your relationship for a while because I feel helpless seeing you suffer while you are staying in that situation’,” he says.
The bottom line: Sorekli notes ultimatums like the ones Jordyn Blum seems to be facing aren’t helpful.
“They communicate ‘our friendship is conditional on you doing what I say’,” he says. “This can be devastating for a person who might already be feeling distressed and conflicted.”
