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How long should I wait to reply to a text? When should I introduce the person I’m seeing to my friends? There are so many (often unclear) parts to matters of the heart, but users on the viral video platform TikTok are certain of one thing: if the person you’re seeing hasn’t asked you to be official within three months, they’re never going to do it. Yikes.
Also known as the three-month rule, this thinking is supposed to determine if the person you’re seeing is stringing you along. And, in the age of situationships and placeholder partners, it can save a lot of heartache. But is this method foolproof?
What is the three-month rule in dating?
Most of us would know the OG three-month rule. This suggests those who have kindled a new flame should wait at least three months before defining the relationship (or DTR). This rule is particularly effective for those who rush into a relationship in the early stages of dating.
Essentially, by the three-month mark, the butterflies have subsided and you have a real idea of who you’re dating. In other words: probation is over.
However, like any piece of advice, it’s open to interpretation – there are seven different three-month rules out there. But the one we’re most interested in is by TikTokker @annabellegeeson. With 1.5 million views and 67.3k likes on her controversial opinion, Annabelle claims that if you aren’t exclusive with someone you’ve dated for three months, you never will be.
In fact, they’re probably just waiting until something better comes along. Perfect! Exactly what everyone wants to hear!
What if they haven’t asked me to be exclusive by the three-month mark?
If the person you’re dating hasn’t DTR by the time you hit 90 days, Hinge Relationship Expert Logan Ury says you don’t need to panic.
“Relationships move at their own pace,” Ury says (thank God).
“Some new couples see each other every day while others are busy with work and family commitments, and find time to hang out every few weeks. Those relationships will evolve at different speeds.”
Additionally, the three-month rule often gives the man the power in straight cis-gender relationships. Yet, as 46% of Hinge daters say they’ve avoided the “what are we” chat because they weren’t sure how to bring it up, waiting for someone else to define the relationship could be a significant block to getting what you want.
“Both people in a relationship should feel comfortable bringing up a conversation about being exclusive or defining the relationship,” she says.
How long should you date someone before becoming exclusive?
While schedules are helpful for some areas of life, arbitrary timelines in an already uncertain situation (like dating) can be anxiety-inducing.
“Instead of feeling like you have to define the relationship before a certain amount of time, I recommend you do periodic check-ins to see if you’re on the same page about where you both are and where you think you’re going,” Ury says.
“You want to make sure you have the same expectations and are headed in the same direction.”
Every relationship is different, so whether you prefer a slow burn or like to move fast, it’s best to define the relationship when you’re comfortable.
