Longer days, warmer nights and some much-needed time off work – summer is one of the hottest times to pencil a few dates (literally).
And if, in the whirlwind of dating over the break, you end up entangled in a summer romance, we wouldn’t blame you.
“When you are on holiday, your brain is flooded with novelty and dopamine, and often your most stressful task is choosing between the piña colada or the margarita,” psychologist and My Thriving Mind founder Veronica West explains.
“Over Christmas, we add in a heavy dose of nostalgia and the general cultural pressure for festive magic [and we become] super susceptible to quick, intense attachments.”
So if you’ve found yourself with a summer fling, what are the signs it has legs (or if it will end before winter hits)?
Summer romances and the ‘holiday goggles’
Veronica explains we’re more inclined to let a romance bloom over the summer break thanks to cognitive bias.
“You are meeting someone when they are at their absolute peak: well-rested, financially flush – they’re on holiday, after all – and stress-free,” she says.
“Because you have zero data points for how they handle conflict, family drama or a bad hair day, your brain fills the void with perfection.”
The trick is remembering that holiday chemistry is real, but so is real life and red flags.
When should your summer romance stay in summer?
One sign your relationship might not make it past February is if you and your summer love live in different states or countries, resulting in what Veronica calls “situational dependency”.
“You have zero mutual friends, zero context and often zero plans to integrate into each other’s actual lives,” she notes.
“If the only thing holding you together is the proximity to a pool bar, that’s a geographical relationship, not a lasting one.”
Additionally, if your connection feels superficial, chances are it’ll fizzle out before you can even ask them, “What are we?”
“[If there’s a lack of] deep conversations, you’ve got an emotional vacation, not a long-term partner.”
Signs it’s the real deal
Luckily, not every summer romance is destined to fade faster than your fake tan.
Veronica notes that if you and your date have discussed real life, such as career trajectories or relationships with your parents, it’s a good sign.
“Another sign to look for is whether they make concrete plans for the future that don’t involve the beach or a fun date,” Veronica explains.
“This shows that they’re integrating, not just delaying.”
Interestingly, while most of us want to avoid disagreements with prospective partners, West explains that they can be an effective test of your potential relationship’s strength.
“Did you have a minor disagreement and were able to see how they handled stress?” Veronica says.
“If they reacted with maturity and communication, then they’re ready for the relationship.”
A HOT TIP:
As Australia braces for another sweltering summer, it turns out heat isn’t just killing the mood — it’s testing relationships, too. A new Shark-commissioned survey reveals nearly seven in ten Aussies (69%) admit rising temperatures have sparked arguments at home. Enter Shark’s new FlexBreeze HydroGo misting portable fan — a timely peacekeeper for summer romances under pressure.
How to turn your summer romance into a relationship
Ultimately, if you want a relationship that will surpass the seasons, Veronica says to forget about grand gestures.
Instead, simply ask yourself whether you are projecting what you want onto this person or if they are consistently showing you the real them.
If it’s the latter, you might have the foundations to start a serious commitment.
“Accept that the initial intensity is going to fade. That doesn’t mean the love is gone – it means the dopamine is stabilising,” Veronica says.
“Then, slowly start integrating the mess of your actual life – let them see your apartment when it’s not perfectly clean, talk about a genuinely frustrating workday. And if they stick around for the reality, you’ve got something.”
