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After decades in the spotlight, Queen Mary and Princess Catherine still have something that sets them apart. Watching their transformation from commoners into celebrated fashionistas and humanitarians, it can be hard to pinpoint exactly what makes their presence so remarkable.
Beauty alone doesn’t explain it, nor does fashion. Instead, it is something less tangible: the quiet confidence, composure and elegance they bring to every room they enter.
Much of that comes down to a set of principles that many people might dismiss as old-fashioned in today’s fast-paced world. Yet for both women, etiquette and deportment are not outdated relics but practical tools, shaping the way they present themselves, interact with others and navigate public life under intense scrutiny.
Their poise is not accidental. It is the result of countless small habits that communicate confidence, respect and consideration long before they ever utter a word.
At a time when many of us spend our days rushing from one task to the next, these skills are arguably more relevant than ever. Good manners are no longer about knowing which fork to use or learning to balance a book on your head while walking in heels.
Rather, they encourage us to be more mindful, present and aware of the impression we leave on those around us. From the way we greet people to the way we stand, listen and dress, small changes can have a surprisingly powerful impact.
Etiquette expert Jo Hayes tells me these habits are not reserved for royalty. They are simple, learnable and capable of transforming the way we feel about ourselves and connect with others.
Here are the etiquette and deportment lessons Queen Mary and Princess Catherine rely on, and how they can work in your everyday life.
Dressing with style
While royal fashion often attracts attention for labels and price tags, one of Princess Catherine’s most effective style choices is surprisingly simple: hem length.
There is a reason the Princess of Wales increasingly gravitates towards tea-length dresses and skirts that fall to the lower calf, just above the ankle.
“Princess Catherine, especially, adopts this length as her main go-to,” Hayes explains. “The hemline hits at the most slim and flattering point on the calf while still showing a little ankle.”
The result is a silhouette that feels elegant, polished and timeless rather than trend-driven. It works just as easily at Royal Ascot as it does when she is crouching down to play with children on an engagment, proving sophistication doesn’t require elaborate styling.
Gone are the shorter hemlines that characterised some of Catherine’s early years as the Duchess of Cambridge.
“We haven’t seen Princess Catherine wear a ‘just below the knee’ style for about 10 years and there’s a reason why,” says Hayes. “She’s clued into the fact that the tea-length style is the most flattering, elegant and sophisticated.”
Perfecting posture
If there is one habit that instantly creates a more regal presence, it is posture. “Back straight, chin up, arms by your side,” Hayes explains.
Most of us are familiar with the first two instructions, but Hayes believes the final point is equally important.
“Most of us have heard the first two points of this phrase as a reminder of correct posture. It makes us look more confident, polished and presentable,” she says. “But the final phrase is just as important in making a good impression.”
If Catherine is the queen of mastering hem lengths, Queen Mary has become the undisputed queen of posture. In fact, it was one of the key pillars of the transformation course she undertook with Teresa Page shortly after meeting the future King Frederik at Sydney’s Slip Inn in 2000.
The reason it works is simple. Open body language projects confidence, honesty and approachability. It also conveys respect during formal occasions, whether attending a memorial service, a state event or meeting somebody for the first time.
“It does take practice,” Hayes explains. “Our natural response to nerves is to adopt a closed posture, such as clasping our hands in front of us.”
Mary’s ability to remain composed under intense scrutiny is one of the qualities that makes her appear so assured. The lesson is not to stand rigidly, but to become more aware of how we occupy space and the message our body language sends.
Power of presence
One thing you are unlikely to see in photographs of Queen Mary or Princess Catherine on engagements is a mobile phone permanently attached to one hand.
In an age when many of us instinctively reach for our screens during every spare moment, Hayes believes their example offers a valuable reminder.
“The point is to be less attached to your phone, especially when you’re with other people,” she says.
For both women, public engagements are defined by eye contact, active listening and genuine engagement. Rather than dividing their attention between real life and the digital world, they remain focused on the people in front of them.
It is a simple habit, but one that increasingly stands out.
“Keep your phone in your handbag, on silent and be present,” Hayes explains.
Being fully present makes conversations more meaningful, helps build stronger relationships and creates the kind of warmth people remember long after an interaction ends.
In many ways, genuine attention has become one of the rarest forms of modern courtesy.
Linked to that philosophy is another royal habit: the preference for traditional watches over smartwatches.
While technology certainly has its place, Hayes argues there is something appealing about accessories that serve a single purpose rather than constantly demanding our attention.
For women such as Mary, Catherine and Queen Máxima of the Netherlands, classic timepieces complement an image built on simplicity, restraint and timeless style.
A smartwatch can be a flashing reminder of emails, notifications and digital demands. An analogue watch simply tells the time.
In a world of endless alerts and distractions, choosing less can sometimes say more.
The art of introductions
Despite our increasingly digital lives, first impressions are still formed in person.
Both Mary and Catherine excel at one of the oldest social skills in the book: a confident handshake paired with direct eye contact and a genuine smile.
“A well-mannered person shakes hands,” Hayes says.
I’ve experienced the power of this firsthand. After being presented to Princess Anne at Sydney’s Victoria’s Barracks and the Duchess of Edinburgh at a Buckingham Palace garden party, each woman greeted me with a warm handshake.
Far more than a formality, a good handshake establishes connection within seconds. It communicates confidence, warmth and respect, helping put other people at ease from the outset.
Royal engagements require thousands of introductions every year, making the skill second nature to both Mary and Catherine.
Yet it remains just as valuable in everyday life, whether attending a job interview, meeting a new colleague or being introduced to a friend of a friend.
The name game
Both Queen Mary and Princess Catherine have a remarkable ability to make people feel seen during public engagements, and one of the simplest ways they achieve that is by remembering and using people’s names.
After being presented to Princess Anne and the Duchess of Edinburgh, the first thing both women did after shaking my hand was use my name and tell me how lovely it was to meet me. It was a small gesture, but an unforgettable one.
“We humans love hearing our own name,” Hayes explains. “It makes us feel recognised and valued.”
Used naturally, it creates an immediate connection and signals genuine interest in the person you’re speaking with.
Like so many of the habits practised by modern royalty, its power lies not in grand gestures but in small acts of consideration.
Why etiquette still matters
Taken individually, a longer hemline, standing straight, putting your phone away or remembering somebody’s name might seem insignificant.
Yet together they help explain why Queen Mary and Princess Catherine leave such a lasting impression wherever they go.
Their appeal is not simply a matter of titles, clothes or circumstance. It stems from a consistent commitment to respecting both themselves and the people around them.
Perhaps that is why these two women continue to captivate the public. Their elegance is not something they switch on for official engagements. It is reflected in hundreds of small choices made every day.
And while few of us will ever wear a tiara or attend a state banquet, the habits that underpin their poise are available to everyone.
As Mary and Catherine prove, true deportment is not about appearing royal. It is about making others feel valued while carrying yourself with confidence, ease and elegance.
Read more expert opinion and analysis in WHO’s The Royal Verdict with Kylie Walters here.
