With 3.2 million Aussies swiping, scrolling and sexting over dating apps, trying to meet a match online has become the new norm.
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Despite this, Statista figures show only 26.1 per cent of the app users are female. Whether women are deterred from using dating apps by the fear of encountering con men, as The Tinder Swindler subject Cecilie Fjellhøy did, or from the fear of receiving “U up?” texts as soon as the clock strikes 12 (did someone say Tinderella?), relationship coach Iona Yeung explains that those in their 40s and 50s face a unique set of problems.
“I think 20- and 30-somethings generally have more success on apps due to numbers – more of them are single, and dating apps are part of the norm in dating for them,” Yeung says. “Dating apps have acquired a reputation for casual hook-ups and dating horror stories, and though there are success stories, divorcees are more likely to hear terrible dating app experiences than good ones.”
So this leaves mid-life singles with the option to sign up for sites like eHarmony and Plenty of Fish, but as Yeung explains, websites have their own shortcomings.
“As the first online dating sites, [they were] targeted more to older singles. It’s a reputation that hasn’t quite shed among younger singles, especially when they now have so many options,” she explains.
With apps too young and websites too old, what’s a girl to do?
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KEEP IT REAL
While hiding behind a phone may seem the safest way to avoid rejection, Yeung explains that online chemistry doesn’t always translate in person.
“You could find yourself chatting with someone for a week online and then find out the chemistry isn’t there when you meet,” she says. “I also think that in meeting partners outside of dating apps, you know very quickly whether you want to pursue the relationship further. This saves so much time, especially for divorcees who are probably time-poor.”
Social psychological research also shows meeting people out and about can help the proximity effect – the development of positive feelings towards people they encounter frequently – to work its magic.
STARTING POINTS
As Yeung says, there is some housekeeping to do before trying to date to ensure you’re not wasting anyone’s time. “Before you get into dating, you have to make sure you’ve got the right dating mindset,” she says. “You need to clear any emotional baggage and resentment first, so you don’t bring those issues into a new relationship.”
You should also try to use this time to reflect on what you’re looking for in a partner – as Yeung explains it’ll help you recognise them when you find them.
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MEET YOUR MATCH
Relationship coach Iona Yeung suggests searching for suitors in the following places:
- Running errands
The best way to meet new people is in your everyday routine. Whether it’s walking your dog or taking a trip to the shops, there are so many opportunities to meet new people in a day that most of us don’t pay attention to.
- Dog park
When you meet people at the dog park, you already have an established interest in common. Dogs make great conversation starters. If you don’t have a dog, offer to tag along with a friend who has one.
- In a class
Whether it’s a TAFE course, language workshop or pottery class, joining a class brings like-minded people together. Another selling point is a class is a repeat event, meaning you’ll have multiple chances to establish a connection.
- Dancing
Not the clubbing type of dance, but genres like swing, rock ‘n’ roll or salsa have great communities and social events, where it’s normal to dance with everyone without the risk of rejection.
- Speed dating or singles parties
Speed dating and singles parties used to have a bad reputation, but people crave physical connection. These often speedy dating services are a great way to meet new people and determine if there’s a connection. In many ways, they save you so much more time than swiping and texting (and being ghosted!) on apps.
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