Becoming an MTV presenter in 2005 often felt like a strange dream. These were the glory days of broadcast television, when budgets were big and networks weren’t afraid to take chances on new formats and fresh faces.
As one of the hosts of TRL, first in Australia and later in New York, every week brought pinch-me moments. Birthday beers with Foo Fighters. Wild parties. Travelling the world. Getting paid to immerse myself in the thing I loved most: music.
But, not all of those memories are good.
You might recall that MTV was renowned for its annual Video Music Awards (VMAs). Although the Aussie version didn’t attract the galaxy of stars the international versions did, we were still pretty lucky to have some of the most popular acts of the 00s attend our events.
Flashback to 2007
In 2007, our awards were hosted by Fergie and Good Charlotte (iconic) and featured special guests like Pink, Kristin Cavallari and 30 Seconds to Mars, whose lead singer, Jared Leto, is currently facing renewed allegations of sexual misconduct from four women – claims he vehemently denies.
Jared was, to be blunt, a diva. He requested that his dressing room be decked out in only purple and white and commandeered my own personal makeup artist as his own – amongst other demands. He had an air about him that told you he expected to be revered. Not being one to suffer fools – no matter how famous – I did not bother to hide my impatience with his behaviour.
After the awards show, there was, of course, an after party. I attended with my boyfriend of 2.5 years and, in a more sensible fashion than normal, we headed back to our apartment early as he had work the next day.
My sole interaction with Jared at the after-party was passing him on the stairs and replying when he said “hey.”
A call from Kyle and Jackie O
Around 8 am the next day, not long after my partner had left for work, my phone rang. It was one of the producers of the Kyle and Jackie O Show, saying that the word was that Jared and I had enjoyed a night of passion and that Kyle and Jackie wanted to give me a chance to set the record straight.
Even stranger? People were saying it was Jared who had made the claim – something which I later heard from several others who had been at the party.
Extremely confused, I agreed to go on the air – I had worked with Kyle in the early days of my career on MTV and he had always been very kind to me.
During the quick on-air chat, I explained that the rumour was categorically untrue – and that my partner could bear witness to this, seeing as we shared a home. Kyle was so supportive, saying, “I knew this was bulls–t; you’re a good girl, and I know how much you love your man.”
At the time, I shrugged off the incident as something extremely odd, especially if it were true that the story had come from Jared himself. Surely it’s supposed to be the non-famous person (aka ME) who made up rumours about sleeping with someone famous, not the other way around?
Looking back, I should have been far angrier. The rumour wasn’t harmless celebrity gossip. It could have damaged my relationship, my reputation and my career. If Jared was the source, he walked away with nothing to lose; I was left explaining myself.
That was the imbalance back then. Powerful men got to create the story. Women were expected to manage the fallout.
A few years later…
I moved on with my life and career. Then, years later, as the host for a different outlet, I was asked to interview 30 Seconds to Mars for the show I worked on. I agreed, perhaps because I didn’t want to cause a fuss or maybe because I stupidly wanted to see if there was any recognition or explanation from the band’s frontman.
Of course, there was neither.
I conducted the interview in a far less bubbly and friendly way than I usually would.
Not long after the interview, we received a complaint from Jared via his label at the time.
Apparently, I had made him feel unwelcome and uncomfortable.
What happened next is the part of this whole story that still to this day makes me shake with rage.
I was told I had to send an email through the label, apologising to Jared. Apologising to the person who, years earlier, had apparently spread a rumour about me that could have ruined everything I had worked for.
I tried to explain to my boss at the time my reasons for being cold. He didn’t care – the relationship between his company and the record label was more important.
My supervising producer – a woman – told me I was in the wrong for accepting the interview in the first place.
I sent the email.
Keeping the peace
That’s the part that has stayed with me for nearly two decades. Not the original, baseless rumour, but the expectation that I would grovel and try to smooth things over with someone I thought had done the wrong thing.
Women have been asked to perform that emotional labour for powerful men forever. Keep the peace. Don’t make it awkward. Protect the relationship. Protect the brand. Protect the man.
Never mind who actually caused the problem.
That’s how these dynamics have always worked. Famous men get the benefit of the doubt. Women are left cleaning up the mess.
Years later, the Me Too movement exposed just how often these men had been protected while women were expected to absorb the consequences. Watching it unfold made me look back at my own experience differently.
Nineteen years later, I still don’t know why Jared Leto would have invented a story about sleeping with me. Maybe he confused me with someone else. Maybe he thought he was doing me a favour.
Or maybe it was something much simpler: power.
The women who have accused him over the years, many of them underage at the time of their alleged experiences, have endured things far more serious than a fabricated rumour. My experience isn’t comparable to theirs.
I just hope their stories don’t end with them having to apologise.
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