It’s funny how society is obsessed with Richard Gere and Julia Roberts’ love story in Pretty Woman; I mean, who hasn’t recited the line “Big mistake. Big. HUGE.” in real life?
Yet, when the plot of the movie happens in real life, they are horrified.
How could a seemingly “normal” man pay a willing escort to act like his girlfriend for a day? The concept is too bizarre for most people to grasp.
Giving me some insight into this unknown world is Jasmine Monroe; an escort extraordinaire, dominatrix and paid girlfriend.
Now upon first glance, Monroe is probably exactly what you’d expect. High heels, red lipstick, 1940s pin-up curls and so many curves she puts the Kardashians to shame. But, as is the case with most people, there is so much more than what meets the eye.
“I’ve been escorting full-time for about 18 months,” she tells me. Before that, she’d spent years working online and offering domination sessions.
Rather than stumbling into the work, she says it was a conscious decision born from one thing: curiosity. “I’ve always been fascinated by people,” she explains. “Particularly the way we experience intimacy and companionship.”
And as someone who can happily spend hours analysing a not so cryptic ‘K’ text sent by my friend’s situationship, I understand the fascination.
Wined, dined & 69’ed
Instead of focusing on the sex, Monroe speaks about psychology. She describes herself as someone who’s always examined her own desires, before eventually becoming more interested in everyone else’s.
“I wanted to understand why people seek intimacy,” she says. “What draws us towards companionship and what those relationships reveal about human nature.”
One of the services she offers is what’s known as the “Girlfriend Experience” and, if you’re anything like me, you’re probably assuming it’s just what the nice guys tick to feel less seedy. Better to have that than “1hr sex” on the bank statement.
“It’s probably the most misunderstood part of my job,” she laughs. The reality is much more wholesome than you’d expect… for the most part.
“It might mean going out for dinner, walking around the city, sharing food or having long conversations,” she explains.
Sometimes they’ll visit a museum. Other times they’ll spend hours chatting over coffee.
“Some people want someone to laugh with,” she says. “Others are looking for emotional connection or simply the chance to feel accepted for a few hours.”
Listening to her describe it, it sounds less like a transaction and more like the kind of date many of us have spent our Saturday evenings on.
“My role is understanding what each person is looking for,” she explains. “Then creating an experience that feels natural rather than scripted.”
As our conversation continues, one thing becomes increasingly clear. Monroe loves sex, but she loves people more.
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Sharing memories…amongst other things
I ask Monroe what surprises her most about the clients she meets. “Honestly,” she smirks, “not much anymore.”
Instead of feeling shocked by the people who book her, being a paid girlfriend has reaffirmed something she’d suspected all along.
“Most people just want to feel understood.” She pauses. “Regardless of their background, status or personality, people want to feel appreciated and accepted.”
When clients tell her about their favourite football team, she says they’re rarely just talking about sport. “They’re sharing memories,” she explains.
Likewise, if someone insists on taking her to their favourite restaurant, it’s not simply about the food. “They want someone else to experience something they love.”
According to Monroe, people don’t just want someone to hear those details. “They want someone to notice them.”
When love does cost a thing
Of course, being paid to provide companionship raises an obvious question. Can intimacy really be genuine when money is involved?
“I think it depends on what we mean by ‘real’,” she says. Gagged.
She points out we happily pay therapists, massage therapists and personal trainers without assuming those interactions are meaningless.
“The money changes the context,” she explains. “But it doesn’t necessarily remove genuine conversation, laughter or moments of connection.”
She’s careful to distinguish the Girlfriend Experience from an actual romantic relationship though.
“Clients aren’t necessarily looking to replace a girlfriend,” she says. “They’re looking for certain elements of intimacy and companionship within an agreed context.”
It’s a perspective I’d never really considered as an option. Before speaking to Monroe, I’d assumed people just book escorts because they’re horny.
But by the end of our conversation, I wasn’t so sure.
Perhaps what many people are really searching for is something much simpler.
Someone to ask questions. Someone to remember their stories. Someone to make them feel interesting. Perhaps even someone to practise with.
And who are we to think that’s wrong?
Read more columns in the Between Us series, here.
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