Content Warning: The following article discusses suicide.
Aubrey Plaza, beloved Parks and Recreation and The White Lotus actor, has been called a slut. More and less, in every way, for the last 24 hours since her pregnancy was confirmed.
The 41-year-old is expecting her first child with Chris Abbott, and although many people are congratulating the couple, the internet has also been ablaze with comments damning the actor for how ‘quickly she moved on’ after her husband Jeff Baena died by suicide last January.
And while nothing is ever as it seems, the one thing we can count on is how quick the internet is to judge a woman’s decisions.
Too quick to ‘move on’ but not too quick to judge?
Okay, got it. Got it.
Aubrey Plaza was separated from Jeff Baena before his death
Aubrey and Jeff were married for three years until they separated in September 2024, with this little detail seemingly forgotten among all the slut-shaming.
The couple had split, but “concerning remarks” made by Jeff had prompted Aubrey to arrange a welfare check on him in October, according to People, indicating that she was still trying to support him while navigating their separation.
He was reportedly going to therapy for “marital difficulties” according to documents, however; there is every reason for us to believe the couple had gone their separate ways and were trying to rebuild the lives without one another.
So why, when she announces her pregnancy now with partner Chris, are we pulling her character apart?
Why, when she undoubtedly is trying to move on from a traumatic experience of her ex-partner dying by suicide, do we tell her she can’t be happy?
Instead, the internet throws the lowest hanging fruit it can at a woman, and simply calls her promiscuous and heartless.
That’ll do her good.
That’ll do wonders for her mental health.
Because God forbid a woman, in her 40s, wants a child.
And God forbid a woman, who has been struck by complicated grief, has a new partner and is moving on with her life.
The real shaming isn’t Aubrey’s to own
I’m not going to repeat things that have already been said about the internet — like the need for nuance and empathy — as it’s sadly tiresome, and not getting us very far.
But, I do want to point out the need to tip toe ever-gentler around people who have lost loved ones to suicide.
We know the importance of this, of course, but why don’t we do it?
Grief is complicated enough when we don’t have to untangle the gnawing knowing that it could have been prevented.
Loved ones of those who have died by suicide walk around with a heaviness they can’t shake off.
So with that in mind, I’d say hurling insults should just be a no-go area.
It’s also worth noting that slut-shaming comes from the same ingrained societal beliefs that men shouldn’t open up and talk about their emotions, it’s a vicious cycle of gender norms.
That a man should be one thing and a woman, another.
It’s two sides of the same coin, this idea that men shouldn’t be vulnerable and women shouldn’t be sexual, because both bring on constraint and shame.
And that’s not good for any of us.
So politely, shut up. And put the fruit down.
If you are struggling with the themes discussed, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.
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